Two Daughters and a Mutt

Happy New Year!

2012-01-23T14:30:00.002-05:00

It's been a while since the last post, because... well, things have been busy! So here goes a quick wrap-up of the past month. Grab a cup of coffee or tea and sit back... it's a doozy!

The girls making almond cookies for Christmas. These were way too delicious and none actually lasted until Christmas.

Lin showing off her cookie decorating skills

Ruby trying to break the record of silver balls on a single cookie

We had a very Merry Christmas!

Making homemade noodles with pesto for the girls. It should also be noted that we spent this evening at the ER after Ruby tumbled hard off her bed. Nothing was broken, but she was "high" in this picture with medication

Mongolian hotpot! It's kinda become a staple in our household

Ruby was proud of the veggie dip she created

Self portrait

Ruby going rollerskating for the first time

"The blind leading the blind," you could say!

Ruby definitely enjoyed her birthday skate!

Speaking of which, it's hard to believe she's 5 already

Can't go wrong with Hello Kitty, can you?

Okay, yes, we know... there's technically more than 5 candles, but Ruby wanted a ton of them!

Enjoying Ruby's pick for her birthday dinner... Wendy's!

She loves anything ballet, My Little Pony, playing dress up and... Deadly Animals! That's our special girl!!

In addition, we also celebrated her 4 year "Gotcha Day" anniversary on our purple couch

Here she is 4 years ago on the famous red couch inside the White Swan in Guangzhou

Here is the dinner Dave cooked for our annual Chinese New Year feast

Digging into the goodies

The girl in the blue qipao was also in Ruby's travel group

The girl in front of Lin was also from Shanghai and now lives nearby

I just love this pic of Ruby laughing it up on the couch.

Our friends recently welcomed their little girl home and we were excited they could join our New Year's feast

After dinner, we watched the Chinese New Year Celebration

Ruby onstage after the show... the Year of the Dragon has arrived!!

Programs and Belts

2011-12-10T08:06:00.000-05:00

It's been a busy week around here! Ruby had her Preschool Holiday Program on Wednesday and Lin had her first Tae Kwon Do belt test on Friday. Both the girls did great!

Here are Ruby and some of her classmates, showing the assembled audience how they say the Pledge of Allegiance at the start of every school day. So cute! They all did great until they came to the word "indivisible" and then they all fell apart.

It was a tough decision for Ruby, which pretty dress she should wear. These are big decisions for a 4-year-old!

The performance was great, and Ruby was very sweet to her beloved friend Avi, who was suffering from stage fright and spent the first several minutes of the program in tears. It was everything a preschool holiday program should be!

(My favorite part, by far, was when Ruby spent almost an entire song picking her nose and then trying to wipe her "find" on her dress! Hysterical! Yep, that's MY daughter!!)

~~~~~~~~~~~

Next up was Lin with her first Tae Kwon Do test. It started off a little rocky when we got halfway there and Lin realized she left her white belt sitting on the kitchen counter! Uh oh! So it was a mad rush to drop Dave and Lin off and then run back home to get the belt. Then at the start of the testing she was asked to recite the meaning of her belt and she couldn't do it. This being our first Tae Kwon Do, too, we didn't know she had to memorize it word-for-word, so we didn't practice it with her. Oops! But from there on out it she did great!

First up: push-ups and sit-ups. Look at that tough girl! On her knuckles, even! One of the black-belts said that if there had been an award for push-ups Lin would have won it!

Here they are going through their forms.

Next up, sparring.

The most awesome part of the night: board-breaking! Lin broke both her boards (one punching, one kicking) on the first try! Way to go!!

And here she is getting her yellow belt!

Lin and her Tae Kwon Do Master. He intimidates the heck out of me, but he's got a great heart and the students all love him.

The best part of this evening was the board-breaking. It was awesome! What a rush -- I cheered for every student. And Lin was recognized in front of the whole class as one of the best breakers! All the black-belt judges got to choose who was the best at each different part of the test and one of the judges picked Lin as the best breaker!

I'm so proud of my girls!

Great Blog

2011-11-23T13:10:00.000-05:00

I have recently become a fan of Jen Hatmaker, a Christian author of several Bible study books, amazing blogger, and fellow adoptive mother. If you haven't heard of her, you'll love her. And if you have heard of her and you're wondering what rock I've been living under all this time, please forgive me, and welcome me at long last to the Jen Hatmaker fan club.

Anyway, yesterday I visited her blog and read her most recent post, dated November 2nd (so again, if you're wondering about that rock, the ground under which I call home, my apologies). Her post is really directed at family and friends of adoptive families, and guides readers as to what not to say to adoptive families pre- and post-adoption (or "After the Airport" as Jen calls it). It is filled with both laugh-out-loud humor and startlingly heartbreaking truths. I highly recommend it for anyone who is in any way a member of the adoption community.

You can find it here.

Read. Enjoy.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Coming Soon...

2011-11-21T09:16:00.000-05:00

I promise I have new post coming soon... I am still here, nothing's happened, all is well. But I realize that it's been too long since my last post and I have some catch-up to do, so I will do a better blog post very soon.

Thanks so much for all the comments and emails from my last post, by the way! And yes, Ruby will be switching to ballet! We've got to get the details worked out, but the decision has been made. I'm still not totally convinced that Ruby actually wants to learn ballet... I think she just wants to wear the outfits. But, whatever. The cost is comparable, the class time is convenient... So there you go.

Happy Monday!

A Very Painful Decision

2011-11-08T13:20:00.000-05:00

Ballet

Gymnastics?

(did I getcha? Hee hee)

Here's the deal -- Ruby has been taking gymnastics since she was 18 months old, which means she is currently in her fourth year of gymnastics classes. I just think gymnastics is so very cool and I would love to see Ruby keep going with it, at least through her elementary school years. And I personally don't have any interest in seeing her do a team sport like soccer, so I've never really presented that to her as an option. Gymnastics has been it.

But Ruby wants to be a ballerina. So. Bad. She begs us to take ballet classes. There is a dance studio where we go for gymnastics, so she sees classes there, plus a couple of the girls in her daycare take ballet. I have been putting her off whenever she mentions it, but she's starting to become really persistent.

Oh, how I do NOT want her to switch to ballet! In my opinion (my opinion) gymnastics teaches her balance, strength, coordination. It's a sport. And ballet for 4-year-olds is a bunch of 4-year-olds twirling around in their cute little tutus. Ruby can twirl around in a tutu at home.

I do think that Ruby's gymnastics class this year is just a repeat of everything she did last year, so it may very well be that she's bored. I am thinking about switching her class, which would put her back with the same teacher she had for the last two years. Or else maybe getting her into the 5-year-old class -- her birthday is in January, maybe she's ready to move up in her skill level.

But she wants ballet!!

So I need help. Please, someone tell me something I don't know about the value of ballet classes. Someone tell me whether I should let my 4-year-old make the decisions, or should I keep her in gymnastics because it's what I want for her (she likes her class and has fun there, so it's not like it's a battle to get her there). I need someone to be the rational voice for me, to make the pros-and-cons list for me.

Decisions, decisions... Oh, the drama!

Happy Halloween 2011!

2011-11-03T20:03:00.003-04:00

Better late than never...

Heading out for Trick or Treating: Ruby as a fairy and Lin as Little Red Riding Hood

Unfortunately, we don't get trick-or-treaters at our house so we always go to this neighborhood to trick-or-treat. I asked one of the residents of this area how many kids came to his house Monday night and his estimate was 900 !! And our house, in a perfectly wonderful residential neighborhood, gets nobody. Makes no sense to me.

Dave and I are sporting "Last-Minute-No-Money Costumes" this year. We did a pretty darn good job, don't you think? Dave called his look "Backwards Dude" and I called mine "Good Morning!" I even wore my cruddy old slippers. The red around my mouth was supposed to be smeared lipstick, but I can see now that it looked more like zombie makeup. Oops. .

Our last trick-or-treat house... Grandma Linda's house. Here you can see the girls' costumes in all their glory.

The basket was my idea, but the red-checked cloth was borrowed from Ruby's play picnic set. Borrowed under extreme duress, I might add. Do you think Ruby will ever stop coveting everything Lin has/uses/borrows/eats/wears ... etc etc etc?

I couldn't resist posting this picture from Ruby's preschool Halloween party. What do you suppose Ruby is thinking here? The boy in the middle is the boy Ruby has informed me she plans to marry someday. They really are ridiculousy sweet together!

Hope you all had a Happy Halloween!

Pumpkins!

2011-11-02T12:56:00.001-04:00

I Heart China

2011-10-31T09:09:00.000-04:00

Every once in a while I find myself thinking about my life, taking a step back and looking at my life and my family, who we are, what we've become. The day I met Dave I knew that he was the one for me. I'm serious. I may not have realized it on a conscious level that day, but I can honestly say that in my heart, I just knew.

But I never would have imagined these two beautiful Chinese girls in our future. And how my personal corner of the world has expanded to include such a total love of their birth country.

I am amazed that I have become a person who can describe several Chinese food dishes as "comfort food." Growing up, I never even liked Chinese food. On our first trip to China in 2008 I struggled a bit with the food. I tried everything, and tried very hard not to be an American food snob, but I just didn't care for a lot of the flavors. Then when we started preparing to adopt Lin in 2009, Dave started really cooking a lot of Chinese food at home. And by the time we arrived in Shanghai in 2010, the flavors were so utterly familiar to me. I loved it! At this point in our home I'd say that maybe 60 - 70% of our meals are Chinese. When we adopted Lin, instead of teaching her to love American food, we opened our minds (and mouths) to true Chinese cuisine. That I feel completely comfortable in the Chinese grocery store amazes me.

I am amazed that when I hear someone speaking Mandarin it sounds familiar to me. I am certainly not fluent, and I may only pick up on a mere fraction of the words spoken, but it is a familiar sound. I'm not intimidated when I hear it. I tend to get a big goofy grin on my face and smile at the people talking, trying to convey that, even though I don't understand you, I love hearing you talk.

I have a favorite Chinese TV show. Isn't that crazy? But I do.

I guess I don't know why I'm feeling so philosophical today.

I just wanted to say, I Heart China.

Ladies and Gentlemen... I Don't Cook

2011-10-19T18:16:00.000-04:00

Many of you know that the guy I share my life with, aka my husband Dave, is a fabulous cook. I spent the first several years of our marriage trying desperately to prove that I am a good wife/representative-of-the-female-race and cook our meals for us. A couple years ago I decided to officially throw in the dish towel and declare to the Universe: I Don't Cook.

Here are some examples of what you get when Dave cooks:

Hot Pot with beef, chicken, shrimp, veggies and noodles

Dan Dan Soup

Steamed Barbeque Pork Buns

Chinese Feast (I don't remember the names of each individual dish...)

Dave's specialty is Chinese cuisine, although he is also a master chef on the grill or in the smoker.

On occasion, however, I am forced to provide dinner for my family. Here's what happens on those nights:

Pigs-in-a-Blanket, a la Mama

Bon Appetit!

Dave's Dream Weekend

2011-10-14T05:25:00.000-04:00

My husband rarely takes a "break" from family life to go do his own thing with a buddy or two. Not like me. I have my book club, my monthly dinner out with my mom and sister, even my Sunday School class I enjoy as a little "me-time."

But this weekend is all about Dave! It kicks off tonight when he heads out to a concert by the heavy metal band Anthrax. Yep. Dave is a metal-head. He invited me to go along -- and I must admit that not only have I been to an Anthrax concert myself, I even enjoy some of their music -- but this time I declined. So he's actually going out with a friend!

And then tomorrow his favorite movie of all-time is playing in the movie theater. Star Wars? Nope. The Godfather? Uh-uh. Field of Dreams? Not so much (although that is a good one). No, my husband's favorite movie of all time, the movie he owns multiple copies of in multiple languages, is George A. Romero's 1978 classic, Dawn of the Dead. Yep. Dave is a zombie freak.

And not only is Dawn of the Dead playing in our local theater for one weekend only, it is also the opening weekend of another movie Dave has been anticipating for months -- the prequel to another of Dave's all-time favorites, the 1981 horror masterpiece John Carpenter's The Thing. This new movie is just called The Thing but it is, in fact, a prequel to the original (didn't you, like Dave, always wonder what had happened to the Norwegians?!? Or is it the Swedes? Now I can't remember which is right...).

So yes, tickets have already been purchased for a theatrical double-feature for Saturday evening. Dawn of the Dead and The Thing with just 15 minutes in-between to chow down on a popcorn dinner. I will be going with him to the movies -- Woo-Hoo! Date night! With zombies... and shape-shifting aliens... woo..hoo... Oh well. I'll take any date night I can get.

Last but not least, we certainly can't forget about Sunday! A television season premiere that Dave is so excited about he can hardly contain himself! AMC's The Walking Dead (yep, more zombies). It's a 90-minute premiere! Can you even stand the anticipation?!?

I sincerely hope you all enjoy your weekends, but I can almost guarantee you won't be having as much fun as my hubby!

(He deserves a great weekend. He's a pretty great guy. I really like him. But don't tell him I said so... I don't want it to go to his head...)

Greetings from Disney World!

2011-10-08T22:57:00.001-04:00

Just kidding... We got home last night. I'm so sorry we didn't end up blogging while we were on vacation. On Sunday and Monday nights we were just too exhausted to even think about it. On Tuesday night we realized we didn't have an internet cable in our room, and we were again so exhausted that we decided to forget it. On Wednesday we got the internet cable, only to realize that using said cable would cost us $10 per day and, since we would be home on Friday, we figured we would just wait and do a huge all-encompassing blog post when we were home.

Here is the afore-mentioned all-encompassing post:

Saturday

We got up and took our time packing and doing a last-minute house-cleaning before heading off to Detroit around 3:00pm. Our flight down to Orlando was at 10:00am Sunday, so we decided to stay the night at an airport hotel the night before. The girls were very excited to have an extra vacation day of swimming in a hotel pool. It was hysterical! It was the smallest swimming pool we have ever seen! I wanted to get a picture of it but never did, unfortunately. Luckily we had the pool to ourselves -- I don't think it would have fit any more people! We swam for a little while, went out for dinner and called it a night.

Sunday

The flight to Orlando was uneventful -- we even landed 30 minutes early! Ruby kept asking if we were in the air yet, while we were still parked at the terminal! Two hours in an airplane is a piece of cake compared to the two trips we've taken to China and back.

Window seat!

Once we got to the hotel we were off to Epcot. We rode a couple of the rides and wandered through a couple of the countries until we got to "China." We stayed there for quite a while and finally called it a night around 9:00pm.

Outside the China pavillion

Monday

Happy Birthday, Lin! Monday was Lin's 14th birthday and we kicked off the day with Winnie the Pooh and some of his friends from the Hundred Acre Wood.

Winnie the Pooh breakfast

After breakfast, it was off to enjoy the Magic Kingdom.

The Halloween decorations were beautiful! I wish I would have taken more time to enjoy them.

Ruby on Dad's shoulders, where she spent much of the week.

The Evil Emporer Zurg, outside the Toy Story ride.

Disney World wasn't what Lin expected it to be, unfortunately. She was thinking it would be all roller coasters and thrill rides. She had no interest in the smaller rides and shows, and she made sure we knew! So, I can't lie, Monday morning wasn't exactly the fabulous start to our Disney vacation that I was hoping for. She and I exchanged a fair share of "words," but she lightened up a bit in the afternoon and had a good time from there on out. We had a long chat on Monday evening about some of her behavior that day and I think we came to a good understanding. It's times like this that I need to remember that she's still learning about family life. I think she didn't really grasp what a big deal this vacation was for us and how this is not just something we can do all the time. Once I was able to explain it to her and make her understand that she should be more grateful for what we as a family are able to do, she really did have fun. She even enjoyed those smaller "little kid" rides!

Anyway, back to our day. We had dinner Monday night with Cinderella, Prince Charming, Drizella, Anastasia, and Cinderella's wicked step-mother, Lady Tremaine. It was fabulous! It was by far our favorite of the character meals we had planned and I highly recommend it for anyone travelling there soon (Dan and Kerri, that's for you!).

Ruby and Cinderella

The girls with Lady Tremaine. I love the grimace on her face! She never broke character and spent the dinner sneering at everyone she spoke to.

The obnoxious Anastasia! At one point during the dinner someone accidentally dropped and broke a glass and, right on cue, both Anastasia and Drizella screamed out "Cinderella!!"

Tuesday

We slept in just a little and then headed off to Animal Kingdom, where Lin went on the Expedition Everest ride 4 times! Ruby was running a mysterious fever that day, but a couple doses of children's ibuprofen cleared her right up. In fact, we joked that her ibuprofen must have been laced with an energy drink! She wasn't sick before, and never had a fever after that day, so we still don't know what was going on. Thank goodness it cleared up on it's own.

Dave and Lin on the dinosaur ride. Hysterical!

That's "Expedition Everest" rising majestically in the background. It was a super-fun ride!

A giraffe along the safari expedition

Poor fever-girl... Oh wait, that fever actually didn't slow her down one bit!

Wednesday

We went back to Epcot on Wednesday. At this point Lin was starting to get a little worried about the homework she had piled up back in the hotel room, so we told her this would be an early day since we had already been to Epcot on Sunday evening. Wrong! We stayed until dark, again!

Here are the girls with Ariel -- can you see how Ruby is just about ready to burst? Ariel is her favorite and Ruby was just thrilled to meet her. This was another character breakfast -- Belle, Cinderella, Snow White, Aurora (Sleeping Beauty), and Ariel. Honestly, I think I was just as excited as Ruby to see all these characters in "real life."

Bruce the shark!

Meeting Mulan in the China pavillion

Ruby trying on a "Belle" dress

Shopping for Hello Kitty merchandise in "Japan"

At this point I have to stop and tell a funny story about Ruby. On Sunday night when we were first looking around in the park, Ruby zeroed-in on the gorgeous princess dresses for sale in all the shops. However, at a whopping price of $65, there was no way we were going to buy her one. But she kept asking and kept asking. She wanted a Jasmine outfit so bad! So on Monday I finally said, "Alright, we'll buy you a Jasmine outfit. But here's the deal: that's the only souvenir you'll get while we're here because it's so much money." I told her to think long and hard about it. Well, she decided that she really wanted that Jasmine outfit, so we told her we'd buy it at the end of the week. All day Monday and all day Tuesday, whenever she saw something she liked, she would stop herself and say "No, I'm getting the Jasmine dress."

And then we got the the Japan portion of Epcot on Wednesday afternoon. And she saw... Hello Kitty. As far as her little eyes could see... Hello Kitty. I could see that she was in utter turmoil. Hello Kitty vs. Jasmine. She thought and thought. She asked me what she should do. I told her it was her decision, but that I thought it would be a lot more fun to get a few smaller souvenirs instead of just one outfit. And I told her to think about it some more. Well, Hello Kitty won the battle and Ruby, very reasonably for a 4-year-old, decided that she could just get a less-expensive Jasmine Halloween costume at the Halloween store once we were home. A wise decision, don't you think?

Gee, Lin is strong, isn't she?

Thursday

Our last day was spent at Hollywood Studios. We started our day making an unfortunate choice -- we took Ruby on the Tower of Terror! I know, I know, you're all thinking what terrible parents we are! All I can say is, we didn't know! We've never been on it! And Ruby was tall enough, so we figured, why not? She's loved all the rides she's ever been on! She's a thrill-ride junkie! ... Ha! Were we ever wrong! It took about 15 minutes for her to stop crying but at least we're all able to laugh about it now. She can go back to preschool on Monday and tell everyone that she actually went on the Tower of Terror!!

That's the Tower of Terror in the background. Notice Ruby is eating Doritos in this picture; I can't lie, we had to bribe her with chips to calm her down!

Another great ride photo, this time on the Rock 'N Roller Coaster

Heck of an outfit, don't you think? Lin was inspired by the Indiana Jones stunt show we'd just seen.

Dinner at the Sci-Fi Cafe. Not sure how well you can see it, but everyone ate in cars at a drive-in theater which played old sci-fi film trailers. So much fun! This was all indoors, by the way. Very cool!

Leaving the park on our final night. Sad to go, but ready to be going home.

By the end of the week we were all ready to get home. Although the girls got along great for the most part, it was obvious that they each needed to get back to their own comfort zones. In fact, even as I write this, Lin is vegging-out with her Chinese TV shows. I know she was a bit frustrated with the food choices. I didn't realize how much Chinese food we eat in our house now, until we were faced with a week of not much variety outside of pizza and burgers!

It's great to go on vacation and it's great to be back home!

Halloween is Coming!

2011-09-30T09:06:00.001-04:00

With Halloween just a month away, I have noticed something in Lin... This year, she totally gets it!

Dave and I really love Halloween. To say Dave loves horror movies would be the understatement of the century, and I just love all the childish stuff about Halloween -- the candy, costumes, Trick-or-Treating, carving the pumpkins... It's just my absolute favorite time of year.

So last year, we were so excited to share Halloween with Lin. She had been home just over 4 months at that point, so our communication was still tricky. We hoped she would be excited about picking a costume but, while she looked around quite a bit, she ended up just dabbing a little goofy make-up on her face. She was less-than-thrilled to go to the pumpkin farm we always go to, but she seemed to enjoy carving her pumpkin. And the trick-or-treating was... well, disappointing. (If you've been reading my blog for awhile, you'll remember that I have written about this before.) After struggling to make her excited about trick-or-treating, she finally said to me, in her very broken English, "What if you were 13 and you went to China. And everyone in China was telling you that you have to do this and it's so much fun. But you didn't understand it. How would you feel?" And I understood her point and I backed off.

Well, that was a year ago. Lin is a different girl now. She's more comfortable, more confident. Her understanding of conversational English is nearly fluent and her spoken English, while still "broken" and heavily-accented, is coming along wonderfully. And, by gosh, she's excited for Halloween! If we see a display of Halloween stuff in a store she wants to go look at it. She is excited to get a costume this year and has been circling her favorites in the costume catalogue we got a couple weeks ago. She's excited about doing Halloween crafts and has been getting ideas from books and magazines. She just seems to get what we were trying to explain last year.

I didn't think about it back on the 4th of July, that she was starting her second year of American holidays. It didn't occur to me until talk of Halloween started a few weeks ago. She's got one full year under her belt, and now she gets to start connecting the dots and making memories. For the first time, she will be remembering our family traditions. When we open our box of Halloween decorations she will remember the things we pull out. She will be able to say "Hey, I remember that!" or "Oh, I forgot about that one!"

Lin's first year in America, in our family, had so many wonderful moments, sharing with her all these new experiences. But maybe this second year will be even better...

~~~~~~~~~

And speaking of making family memories, we're off to Disney World on Sunday!!!! We can't wait!! I'm still debating whether to take the laptop and blog while we're there. I think it would be kind of fun to blog about each day just like we did on our trips to China. But do I have enough interested readers who would really want to know how our vacation is going? Leave me a comment and let me know... or if I don't have enough interested readers, I'll try not to let my feelings get hurt... : )

Rainy Sunday

2011-09-25T13:44:00.001-04:00

Well, it's just a rainy Sunday around here, and sometimes it feels like it's raining inside our house as well. Ruby is sick on the couch -- nothing too major, just a cold with a rough cough. She's slathered in Vapo-Rub and we're keeping her inside today. In fact, she's still in her pajamas and will probably stay that way.

And Lin is being, well, a teenager. She went to Sunday School this morning and ever since, she's just been kind of in a rotten mood. The girl just has days where she wants to "pick" at people, push our buttons. Most often the target seems to be me, but fortunately these days are fewer and farther between, and I like to think I'm getting better at dealing with them.

How do I deal with her? I ignore her. She's a teenager. She's hormonal. As long as she doesn't get too disrespectful I just let it roll off my back.

For example, the whole way home from Sunday School she questioned me about God. "Why do you believe? I don't believe. I don't want to learn." which then turned into "You don't love me. I don't love you. I don't love Dad." A year ago I would have cried and tried to reassure her, tried to figure out exactly what's going on, is she thinking about China, about her birth family... ??

Now? Yeah, not so much. She's a teenager. She likes to pick on me. She'll get over it.

Do I sound heartless? Maybe a little. I don't really mean to. I just mean that over the last year I'm confident that we've developed a loving relationship, so if she tells me she doesn't love me I know she's not serious. She's just trying to get a reaction from me. And I've come a long way in learning how NOT to react.

Yep, I'm the mom of an ornery teenager.

UPDATE:

After struggling through homework with an even more ornery teenager, during which I actually walked away from the table because she was not listening to me, I decided I needed some Me-Time and I headed out to the store for some odds-and-ends. I came home to find this:

Yep, even when she's ornery, I've still got a pretty great kid!

Very Sad News

2011-09-21T16:19:00.000-04:00

A family who was in our travel group when we went to China to adopt Lin, lost their beautiful daughter yesterday.

We only were together for a few days in Guangzhou and I regret that we did not get to know them better. Their daughter, Vivian, was born with the same heart condition as Lin. Vivian was only two years old when they adopted her, and had not had the corrective surgery yet. They knew that she would need surgery as quickly as possible once they were home. I remember pointing to our Lin and telling them, "Look, this is your future! Vivian will grow up to be a perfectly normal, healthy girl, just like our new daughter!"

Vivian had a long struggle the past several months with many complications, and passed away suddenly yesterday. Here is a link to their blog if anyone would like to send condolences.

Smartypants, and a little bit of history

2011-09-08T08:51:00.001-04:00

Remember yesterday's post, about how Lin will have two hours of English back-to-back, and how great that was?

Yeah, Lin doesn't like it.

Turns out the other students in that 2nd hour of English are all boys. 4 boys, to be exact. 4 boys in 6th grade, leading Lin to believe (somewhat jokingly) that she must be stupid if she's the only 7th grader in a special English class with 6th graders.

I keep pinching myself, wondering how long can this possibly last... I have a 13-year-old daughter who wants school to be harder! She doesn't want two hours of special English! She wants to be in regular English! She actually wants to be thrown in the water with the rest of the 7th grade and be forced to swim her way out. She is trying to refuse the small life jacket we and the school are attempting to provide. (Like my metaphor?)

So, what to do? I guess our first step is to contact her English teacher and find out exactly where Lin is in her English skills. Does she need two hours a day? Could she keep up if she attempted another regular class like 7th grade English or Social Studies?

~~~~~~~~~~~~

All this talk of Lin's education here in America reminds me that I never did tell a story I alluded to in a post several months ago. I think now is the time, as it greatly explains Lin's determination in school.

As many of you may know, Lin was born with a severe heart defect known as Tetralogy of Fallot (ToF). She had life-saving surgery at two years old in Shanghai. She lived in the Shanghai Children's Home from the time of her surgery until we came to bring her home 10 years later.

We'd gotten some information that Lin spent quite a bit of time in the hospital as a young child, years after the surgery. When we asked Lin about it she swore up and down that it wasn't true, she'd never spent time in the hospital. We were confused, but we let it go. As adoptive parents, we learn to accept the fact that much of our children's lives before they came to be our children will always be a mystery.

Back in the spring Lin and I were talking, I don't even remember what we were talking about now. But Lin was talking about China. And she told me how she had had to live with "sick kids" from time to time. I immediately realized she was talking about the so-called hospital stays we had been told about. According to Lin, she wasn't in the hospital, just in another section of the Children's Home. And while she was with the "sick kids" she could not attend school. She spent months living with the sick kids, missing out on her education.

Then she told me a story about how she had an opportunity to go to public school, school outside the Children's Home. I don't know how old she would have been but I'm guessing around 7 or 8. She told me that only the smartest kids could go to public school, and she knew that she was smart enough to go.

She told me how she wrote her name down, or maybe a teacher wrote her name, on the list of kids who were going to go to school.

And then she told me how, on the morning of the first day of school, she was ready and waiting to go, and her name was not called. She watched as all the other kids went off to public school and she did not. She blames it on "being sick."

Can you even imagine?

It explains so very much about her hatred of doctors and all things medical, and her sheer determination to make the most of public school here.

What a great, brave kid I've got, huh?

First Day of School

2011-09-07T05:07:00.000-04:00

The first day back went fine for Lin. It was nice to see the confidence in her stride as she walked into the building yesterday.

Her schedule had some errors which have now been fixed. She had two math classes and no ESL (English as a Second Language) -- that won't work! She also had been put in a "regular" 7th grade English class. Fortunately her ESL teacher tracked her down yesterday and told her that her schedule was wrong and that they would fix it. Isn't that nice? I'm not sure Lin would have realized anything was wrong otherwise.

So starting today she has the right classes. We are very fortunate that our public school district not only provides daily ESL classes for Lin (some districts only provide an hour or two a week) but her counselors have also agreed to delay putting her in Social Studies in order to give her a second hour of English learning class every day. Yes, she gets two hours of special English classes every day! Not all schools do this. And this year her two hours of English are back-to-back, so that will be really nice for her.

Of course, Lin is worried about putting off Social Studies; she knows the longer she waits the further behind she'll be. But it's more important that she become proficient at reading first. It's sometimes easy to forget that when we talk about Lin's education, we're not just talking about one class schedule. We're talking about years of special treatment for her, not matter how intelligent she is. She'll likely always learn at a slightly different level than other kids. But it's so great that she is smart, she does like to learn. Last night she was even counting up how many years she'll be in school -- she was working out that she has two more years of middle school, then four years of high school, and then with a huge grin on her face she triumphantly threw her hands up and said "And then college!!"

Hmmm... how long do you think this educational euphoria will last...?

And so it begins... again

2011-09-06T07:45:00.000-04:00

This morning, Lin leaped out of bed at 6am, hit the shower, slammed a quick breakfast and headed off to the 7th grade! Here's to another great school year!

Wrapping up Summer

2011-09-03T08:03:00.001-04:00

We are officially wrapping up Summer vacation! One more weekend to go before the chaos begins again... Ruby will be attending preschool 3 days a week and Lin is going into 7th grade. In addition, Ruby will be continuing her gymnastics and Lin is now adding martial arts classes into the mix.

We took a few days off and headed back to Michigan's Adventure. We went there the first week of Summer vacation and decided to wrap it up there as well. The girls absolutely love the water park and the thrill rides. We got there before the park opened and were one of the last cars to pull out... soaking up every minute of fun. Funny thing, the last ride Dave and Lin hopped on... broke down! They were only stuck on the coaster for about 10 minutes and had quite a laugh. The next day, we went to Lake Michigan to soak up the sun. We were too lazy to attempt to climb the dunes, we played in the sand and water for hours and hours.

We'll spend this weekend shopping for school supplies, lounging in Grandma's pool, and firing up the BBQ.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We also attended a baby shower for our good friends Juile and Chris who leave on Wednesday to bring their baby girl, Margot, home from China!! (Juile is an amazing photographer who has taken family photos for us, including the one at the top of the page.) Here's a link to their blog, if you'd like to follow along and support them as they become first-time parents!

Ni Hao from Shanghai

2011-08-22T00:11:00.003-04:00

We received an e-mail telling us the care package Lin sent back to her friends in Shanghai arrived safe and sound. They even sent back pictures of the kids opening their gifts! Since Lin has been home with us, we've sent many pictures of her back to her old orphanage. She has even spoken to her friends several times on the phone, but this was the first time she has "seen" them in over a year. We weren't sure how she would react, but she seemed very happy to see their smiling faces.

One of Lin's "aunts" showing off the photo album we sent to the kids.

Lin has talked so much to us about the kids in these photos and looking through the pictures they sent is bittersweet. It feels like WE know them a little bit too. Our hearts are open for them... if only we could just open our doors as well. Lin definitely plans on staying in touch and sending more care packages. She also wants to know when we can go back to visit. It was hard enough the day we met Lin and our bus pulled out of the orphanage having to watch her friends and caretakers wave goodbye. I can't imagine visiting these other kids that we've come to know from the stories Lin told us and having to get back on the bus and say goodbye. It helps us understand some of the loss Lin has had to endure.

Lin's best friend back in Shanghai opening gifts and reading a letter

Okay, wiping the tears away... the girls only have two weeks left before school begins. Lin will be heading into 7th and Ruby will be taking another year of preschool. Our adoption agency had a Summer ice-cream social where the kids had a chance to win some back-to-school supplies. They play numerous carnival games and left with backpacks stuffed with notebooks, pens, scissors, erasers, calculator, etc., etc.

Ruby demonstrating her wicked swing... GOAL!

Lin giving it a shot... another fine GOAL!

The girls hanging out with our social worker Jan, an amazing person with the biggest heart!

The girls are also squeezing in one more trip before Summer vacation ends. In just a couple of days, Lin and Ruby will be taking off with their grandparents and cousins for a trip to Mackinaw Island. What ever shall we do with the house to ourselves for a few days?!

Ruby "helping" Lin learn English...

...well, kinda.

Chinese-American Girl

2011-08-13T21:10:00.000-04:00

Although Lin would say she's only Chinese and not American, she's really quite the Chinese-American girl. I certainly don't ever want her to lose her Chinese identity, but I can't help but be thrilled when I see her being just so American!

The other day I came home from work to find her plopped on the couch with the TV on, watching one of her Chinese TV shows on DVD, flipping through a Seventeen magazine. I wish I would have snapped a picture of this very Chinese-American moment but, alas, I didn't.

And talk about worlds colliding! Somehow Dave found the following You*Tube clip the other day and when Lin saw it, she couldn't stop laughing. It's a video of one of Lin's favorite Chinese bands, S.H.E., singing an all-too familiar song from a current American pop culture phenom (and now that Lin has seen this video she has vowed that she, too, will learn how to sing this song... she was practicing it in the car just today)...

If you are the parent of a teen or preteen girl, American or otherwise, you gotta see this.

Yes, Lin has come down with a slight case of "Bieber-Fever!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And for those who wanted the recipe I used for my zucchini brownies, which were ridiculous in their deliciousness, follow the link here .

(Note: I followed the recipe exactly, although some people suggested adding eggs. Don't be alarmed that the "batter" is not like a batter at all, but is very crumbly and dry. I'm telling you, the result is yummy fudgy sinfulness!)

Happy baking!

Uh-oh, I lost a Follower!

2011-08-12T05:15:00.000-04:00

Oh man, I'm down one follower here on the blog, and I didn't have all that many to begin with! I guess you folks are trying to tell me I don't write enough. I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

Here's what's been going on this week... Medical stuff. And if you've been reading my blog for awhile, you'll remember that Lin is NOT a fan of doctors. Nor is she a fan of being reminded that she lives with some fairly hefty medical issues every day. I'm having a hard time knowing how best to deal with her attitude.

She had a check-up with her cardiologist which went fine. She was prepared for what the appointment would involve, she knew what to expect, and she did just fine... until the doctor told us he wanted her to wear a monitor for 24 hours. She wasn't prepared for that, didn't understand it, didn't want to do it. And then she needed some blood-work done on top of that. And that's what killed that day. Angry, angry, angry.

But we got through it. She wore the monitor, she gave blood, we all survived.

And then the doctor called a few days later and told us he wants her to go on a daily heart medication. It's not a huge problem, just some irregular heartbeats that showed up on the monitor, and he wants to see if medication helps even things out. She'll do another monitor in 3 months to see what affect the meds have.

But now Lin's attitude has gone from angry to, "I don't care. I don't want to know. I don't want to talk about it. I don't care. Whatever." And it's hard to see because I know she DOES care. She's pushing her feelings back and she won't let us talk about it. I just don't know what I can do to make it better.

So that's been this week. In other news, I made ridiculously delicious zucchini brownies yesterday. In fact, they're calling my name right now...

Xie Xie Ni!

2011-08-03T10:46:00.009-04:00

谢谢! A big THANK YOU to all the folks who helped sponsor Lin’s “Art for the Heart” project. She has reached and greatly exceeded her fundraising goal. This is a great opportunity to help enrich the lives of orphaned children in China. Speaking of which, Lin has just sent out a care package to her friends in Shanghai. It is filled with letters, jewelry, candy, an MP3 player loaded up with her favorite music, magazines, etc. She spent a lot of time putting it together and had a giant smile when we sent it off. We also e-mailed the Shanghai Children’s Home to keep an eye out for the package and they said they'll send us some pictures when the girls get their gifts. They thanked us for everything we've done for Lin and said she was the best among all of the adopted big girls and to stay in touch. It is so nice that Lin has kept in contact with her friends and hopefully someday they'll see one another again.

And here are a few other highlights of our Summer...

Ruby beating the Summer heat!

Celebrating during the last night of church camp

Dave also worked his magic and scored some tickets to a sold-out Taylor Swift concert. Even though Lin's iPod is full of Asian popstars, she actually loves listening to Taylor Swift.

Waiting for the show to begin with her cousin Megan

Taylor Swift rocking the house!

All smiles after the show

And last weekend, after months of lessons and practicing, Lin swam across the pool on her own. WOO-HOO! She is learning how to swim! We still need to work on treading water and swimming up from the bottom after she jumps in. But, at least she's not afraid to take the plunge. Although, the first time she jumped in, she must've been hoping Dave would catch her like he does Ruby. OUCH!

Hot Hot Hot

2011-07-20T08:56:00.000-04:00

I do not like this heat! Of the four seasons we enjoy here in Michigan, summer is my least favorite. Yes, I'd take dreary February snow over this nasty heat!

So I'm going to pause for a minute and daydream about winter in Michigan... Wind and snow are howling around the house... I'm wearing a thick sweater, jeans, and two pairs of socks... I have a good book in my hands and an afghan on my lap... Fire in the fireplace... Hamburger soup in the crockpot and herb bread in the oven...

Okay, I'd better stop before I start weeping for the cold weather!

Anyways, we are plowing through our summer. Not too much to report right now. The girls have vacation bible school this week and so far it's been ... boring. For Lin, anyway. Ruby's in the preschool class and except for the fact that she's younger than her best friends at church and therefore in a different class, she's having a great time. But Lin is in the middle school group and is, once again, finding it hard to talk to any of the other kids her own age. She doesn't try talking to any of the kids and they don't know what to say to her ... It's frustrating for me to watch. And I don't know what to do to help her. I try suggesting ways she could start a conversation with someone, or ways she could get involved with a group, but she always looks at me like I'm crazy. On the way home last night I did have a moment of clarity and realized that it won't be this way forever. She's a funny, bright girl. She will be able to make friends someday. It just takes a lot longer than I realized it would.

Art from the Heart

2011-07-13T22:49:00.002-04:00

What a crazy busy Summer this has been... Lin actually said tonight that she was too tired to study her English workbooks, but she did it anyways. Dedication. Why is she so gosh-dang tired you ask? Well, this week she has been going to an all-day art camp at the Institute of Arts. She has been working with different artists in different mediums and is having a great time. We've been packing the girl's Summer up with countless activities. In addition to resident camp, art camp, bible camp, air zoo, amusement parks, movies, swimming lessons and BBQ's, we'll soon be taking the girls to Nashville to visit friends from their orphanages and travel groups, as well as ushering them off with their grandparents for a few days on Mackinaw Island. These girls are going to be pooped by the time school starts back up... then it's off to DisneyWorld for a week. Whew!

Speaking of art... Lin will also be creating a piece for Half The Sky's Art from the Heart fundraiser. Half The Sky is a wonderful organization offering support, training and supplies to numerous orphanages across China. They had a program at the Shanghai Children's Home and have provided us with progress reports and photos of Lin when she was younger. Truly priceless. Please check out the link for the Art from the Heart fundraiser and consider sponsoring Lin's efforts to help give orphans a chance at a brighter future. Even a few dollars can help!

Our Summer So Far...

2011-07-05T17:04:00.000-04:00

Gee, girls... whatcha been doin' this summer?

We kicked off summer vacation by going to an amusement park where Lin rode her first roller coaster. And Ruby rode absolutely every ride she was tall enough for, including her very first roller coaster, too! She made the height restriction by about a half inch, and loved every minute of it!

Look closely -- can you find those crazy sisters?

The whole family on the Tilt-A-Whirl -- three of these people were still smiling when the ride ended. (I'm not a fan of spinny-rides, although I didn't throw-up like I did that one time ... Ewwww ...)

Happy Father's Day to the greatest Dad and Husband on the planet!

Biking on one of the many great bike trails in our town.

Lin finally got up the nerve to pet her grandparents' dog for the very first time! This was a huge moment for her, and us. She's still not a fan of animals, so this was a pretty big deal.

Lin heads off to summer camp!

I'm told this is the aftermath of a marshmallow-paint war -- Lin's cabin won!

The only picture we have of Lin actually on a horse, and you can't even see the horse! Oh well. She got to go horseback riding twice at camp. She said it was scary, but she absolutely couldn't wait to show us the horses when we picked her up.

What's more fun than catching fireflies in a jar on a summer evening at twilight?

Hope your summer is going well!

Word of the Day

2011-06-27T08:35:00.001-04:00

The dictionary defines "surly" as:

irritably sullen and churlish in mood or manner

~~~~~~~~~~~~

(And for good measure, the dictionary defines "churlish" as:

a lack of civility or graciousness; difficult to work with or deal with)

~~~~~~~~~~~

I define "surly" as:

my 13-year-old daughter

~~~~~~~~~~

It's days like yesterday that force me to remember that sometimes, you can't make it better. Sometimes you just hold your breath and wait for it to be blessed bedtime.

I also have to remind myself that she's being exactly what a 13-year-old girl is supposed to be -- downright surly sometimes. She's good at it.

And here's a special message to my mother: I apologize for all the times I was a surly teenager.

Can My 4-Year-Old Read?!?

2011-06-21T08:47:00.000-04:00

Here's just a quick anecdote, since my last post was all about reading, reading, reading...

Last night I asked Lin to read a book to me. It was an "easy reader" book from the library, a kids' book, and Ruby was sitting with us. Lin was doing great, she understood the words and was doing fine with comprehension. She came to a word that stumped her and said "What's this word?" To which Ruby promptly answered "Cupcake." And she was right! Lin and I both looked at her and said "Did you read that? Can you read this book?" And Ruby smiled, picked up the book and "read" it, nearly word-for-word! Obviously, I know it was just by memory of hearing it before, buy holy cow! It was freaky!

But it solidified for me that by reading to Lin, she will become a better reader. I always tell Lin, reading makes you smart. But she responds by saying that if I'm doing the reading, that's not making her smart. Oh, you're wrong, girlie. And yes, I will keep reading to you.

Just a little while after that I picked up "Charlotte's Web" to start reading to the girls. I already read the first two chapters to them on Saturday night, and when I picked it up last night I said, "Do you remember what happened in the first two chapters?" and Lin was able to answer me, after I prompted her just a bit. So she is comprehending books when I read to her.

(Now if I could just convince her to let me read the "Harry Potter" series to her... but so far, no luck...)

Last Day of School ... Finally!

2011-06-16T22:16:00.000-04:00

Well yesterday was finally the last day of school for Lin. It seems like our school district is the very last one to let the kids out for summer, but the day finally came.

Here's Lin on her last day of school ... What a goofball:

And here she is back on her first day of school:

Hmmm, that's odd... She was a goofball back then, too...

Her final report card for the year is all A's!!! She's such a hard worker. We're so proud of her. But I did tell her that even though regular school is done for summer, she's still going to have school at home, only this time, I'm her teacher (insert evil laugh here). I really want to work on her reading and comprehension over the summer. Her ESL teacher was great and Lin really liked her, but Dave and I both felt like a lot of the work was over Lin's head. Her homework often consisted of worksheets on identifying adverbs and pronouns, present and past participles. But Lin's reading comprehension is at nearly a Zero. Doesn't she have to read first, then work on the proper grammar and stuff like that? Any teachers out there want to chime in? Cindy, I'm talking to you! :)

So anyway, here's my plan. First I will read to her. All the time. I want to read all kinds of chapter books, to both Lin and Ruby. My hope is that she will pick up on the language just by listening, like reading to a baby.

Second, I want Lin to read to me. At the library I picked up a handful of easy-reader books and I want to see how much Lin can read to me, and how much she understands. The frustrating thing for her will be that these books are very baby-ish. But she's got to start somewhere, right? And the quicker she can improve her reading at this level, the quicker we'll move on to more fun stuff geared for her age.

And third, workbooks and flashcards. I want to get workbooks starting at a kindergarten reading level and go through them from the beginning, starting with the basic building blocks of reading. And we're going to work on phonics flashcards and sight-word flashcards.

Now, of course, I'm not going to be some kind of reading ogre over the summer. It's just that I love reading so much and I want my children to share that joy. I cringe a little bit when she plops down in front of the TV or computer to veg-out. We're fine with letting her watch TV, but knowing that she is unable to sit down with a book -- either in English or Chinese -- well, it kills me. She's proven how smart she is when given a chance, and she didn't get that chance in China.

But that story will have to wait for another post...

Yearbook Time

2011-06-11T08:43:00.000-04:00

Lin got her 2010-2011 school yearbook yesterday, and it was so cute to look through it with her. All this year I've been a little worried that she doesn't seem to have made any friends. I didn't realize that making friends would be so difficult for her. At home she's so funny and cheerful (most of the time) and just friendly. I would look at her and think, how is this wonderful girl not surrounded by a group of girls at school, chattering away like girls do? But Lin would always insist that she doesn't want friends, she prefers to be alone at school.

Well, it seems that maybe she has more friends than I thought. She was so proud to tell me that lots of kids had signed her yearbook! And she signed lots of yearbooks! Three different girls wrote their phone numbers down for her with instructions to call them over the summer. As we looked through the book together she would point out a picture here and there and say the kid's name and what class they had together -- kids I've never heard her talk about before. And she got to one picture of a girl and said "that's my friend." I'm just so happy for her! It will be my job to see that she stays social over the summer with some of these kids, so she starts 7th grade feeling like she belongs.

I mean, come on, look at that face... doesn't this girl belong at someone's slumber party?

Meanwhile, our Ruby had her gymnastics recital last week. She did great! Although she would much rather be taking ballet classes than gymnastics, and tells me this regularly, she always has such a good time at her gymnastics class. And really, how cute can she get???

Ruby is going to her very first friend birthday party today. It's a princess party, starting at 11:00am. Let's just say, Ruby has been wearing her princess dress and crown since 7:30, and she keeps asking "Is it time to go yet? Can we go now?" Just a few more minutes, kiddo...

Fun at Camp

2011-06-08T09:53:00.001-04:00

Ruby and I had an absolutely great time at "My Mom and Me" camp this past weekend! If you live anywhere near West Michigan, or have the means to travel here, I cannot say enough to recommend Camp Newaygo. It was everything you want a good old-fashioned summer camp to be. We sang songs, went swimming, kayaking, built sand castles, played games, went on scavenger hunts, made new friends... It was just great and I can't wait to go back again next year -- "My Mom and Me" camp is for kids age 3-6, so Ruby and I have two more years. We were there only about 27 hours, but I wish it could have gone on and on. This is the same camp that Lin will be attending later this month, and all the counselors are ready and waiting to make her first camp experience the best it can be.

Enjoy the pictures!

Here's Ruby on the steps that lead down to the lakefront.

Our home-away-from-home for the night -- these are the original cabins built when the camp started in 1926.

Ruby got to sleep on a bunk bed!

The lake -- the water in the sectioned-off swimming area was shallow, only up to Ruby's chest...

... although Ruby was far too busy building sand castles to do any swimming.

Kayaking -- I'd never gone kayaking before, but now I'm absolutely hooked!

During the animal class, the kids got to see turtles, goats, a chinchila, a geko... and baby bunnies!

Ruby really did shoot this arrow, with a little help from one of the counselors.

Saturday night ended with S'mores at the campfire.

Picnic lunch at the lake on Sunday afternoon.

See you again soon, Camp Newaygo!

One Year Ago!

2011-06-07T06:04:00.002-04:00

On June 7th, 2010, we became a family of four as Lin Guo Chu walked into our lives and our hearts. She was dragging a Hello Kitty suitcase and wearing a nervous smile. Here is a link back to our travel blog from that incredible, unforgettable day...

Our first meal together!

We spent our first day together walking through a beautiful park

Lin's referral picture...

... and our gorgeous girl today!

Weekly Update

2011-06-03T22:52:00.001-04:00

Sorry it's been over a week since the CONCERT and I haven't updated you all on how GREAT it was!

It... Was... GREAT!

Man oh man, I screamed just like I did the first time I saw the New*Kids in person, back in 1989 (although this time I didn't cry like I did back in 1989...)

Oh, and for the record, my favorite is Joe from New*Kids! He's just as cute now as he was then!

Anyway, Lin also had a great time. I had been trying to prepare her ahead of time for what she would be seeing. I told her that it would be loud. That people would be screaming loud. That I would be screaming loud. But sure enough, she still was not fully prepared for the craziness. When the lights went out and the New*Kids came out on stage, Lin looked at me and said "Oh my goodness! You're crazy!"

Waiting for the show to begin

Woo Hooooooo!!!!

Lin also took her camera and took quite a bit of video of me enjoying the concert (in other words, screaming my fool head off). Let's just say, I will NOT be sharing said video here!

In other news, we spent Memorial Day at Dave's mom's pool. It was 90 degrees outisde but the pool water was freezing!! We spent the afternoon eating Dave's wonderful smoked ribs and having a gigantic water fight. Dave got thrown in the pool, fully clothed; his brother-in-law got shoved in also, and even those who didn't get in the water were still soaked by the end of the afternoon. It was so much fun!

Mmmm... meat.

Ignore the look of terror on her face... I think Lin was the one who actually started the water fight!

What could be cuter than a little girl with swimmies on her arms!

After we left the BBQ we visited the cemetary where Dave's grandparents are buried. It was a new experience for both girls, but we kept it light-hearted. Neither Lin nor Ruby could really get a grasp on the concept of burial and both girls had some questions. We talked with them honestly and I got to talk to Lin a bit more about Heaven and God and what happens when we die. But like I said, we kept it light-hearted, too. At one point we laughed so hard when Ruby, God bless her, said (and I swear this is exactly what she said), "Okay, I'm for real now. What's in there??"

And today Lin got to go on a school field trip to the zoo. Look how cute she is!

Just look at my girl, wearing shorts and a sleeveless top. It's amazing... She's been home almost a year now, and yet I still see changes in her as she becomes more comfortable in her new home. Last summer I could barely get her to wear shorts and most days she actually wore a jacket over her shirt, even in the hottest weather. It didn't occur to me then that she was uncomfortable exposing herself, like she felt that by protecting her skin she was protecting her whole self, you know? But look at her now, totally comfortable and absolutely cute as can be!

Tomorrow morning Ruby and I leave for Mommy and Me camp! We're all packed up and ready for a great time. Dave and Lin also have a busy weekend planned, and when I say "busy" I mean "sitting-on-their-fannies-watching-movies." It should be a great weekend!

I'm Ridiculously Excited!

2011-05-26T10:45:00.000-04:00

Tonight I'll be taking my 13-year-old daughter to an event that will put me back in time to when I was the 13-year-old. If the following picture makes your heart skip a beat like it does mine, I'd love to hear about it! Who was your fave?

Woo Hoooooooooo!!!!

Spring Band Concert

2011-05-19T08:52:00.004-04:00

Last night was Lin's 2nd, and last, band concert of the year. She did great! She plays the flute and is in the beginning band. She has had the luxury of being in class with only woodwinds this year, so each section gets a lot of personal attention (the brass and drums have a different class time). Her teacher said that next year the beginning band might be lumped in with the 7th & 8th grade band, and that would be unfortunate because they would lose all that special learning time. Ah, school budget cuts. Good times.

Every couple weeks, it seems, Lin indicates that she really doesn't want to play the flute. I keep telling her that if she's really serious about switching to a different instrument she can, we just need to know so that we can get her in some private lessons to catch up. But then she always says "It's okay," and I think it's because she's worried that we spent a lot of money for her flute and she feels obligated. We've tried to tell her that the money can be worked out with the store if she wants to switch, but she always sticks with the "it's okay" line. I think she really struggles sometimes with asking for something she wants, then thinking that doing so makes her a "bad daughter." I can almost see the wall go up in her eyes when she shoves down her feelings and says "it's okay." Ah, Chinese children's home upbringing. Good times...

Hmmm, I was going to make that the end of my post, but it ends on such a down-beat. So here's some positive stuff. Lin got her 5th of 6 report cards for this school year and continues to do absolutely great! Four As and two Bs. And her teachers tell us that they really are NOT modifying the work for her that much. She's doing the exact same work as all the other students, just sometimes she is given longer to complete an assignment or some other slight modification like that. She likes to talk about what she wants to be when she grows up. Depending on the day we've heard hair/makeup artist, lawyer, teacher, police officer ... she even said she wanted to be a pro tennis player after our last tennis lesson! She also really toys with the idea of going back to China in some capacity and I think she's surprised when we say, without hesitation, absolutely! We will support her unconditionally.

Ruby posing by the Chinese New Year display Lin made at school

Ruby's first-ever school year wraps up next week. She took a field-trip to a nature center this week and had a great time. By far the biggest thrill was that she had to take a sack lunch, just like a big kid. She and I are going to Mommy and Me camp in two weeks. It's just one night away from home, but we're going to have so much fun!

Ruby triumphant after making it across the tire course

We're looking forward to summer, but the reality is that summer will be every bit as busy as the school year, and probably more so. Bring it on!

Happy Mother's Day

2011-05-09T08:39:00.000-04:00

Happy Mother's Day!

I spent the majority of Mother's Day with my mom and with Dave's mom. We spent the night at my parents' house on Saturday and came home yesterday afternoon, and stopped on the way home to visit Dave's mom. After that we went to a restaurant of my choosing, and I chose Mexican food. Unfortunately, Lin just does not like Mexican food. She insisted it was fine because it was Mother's Day, but when we got there and she said "I'm not hungry, I'll just have french fries." I felt so guilty! She did eat the chips and salsa, and we convinced her to try a shrimp dish which she did kind of like.

We ordered Ruby a small smorgasbord of food from the children's menu and I think she ate about 5 bites total. I'm really going to try to reign-in our dining habits. We eat out WAY too much and I know we're just throwing money down the drain. Ruby especially ends up wasting a lot of food. I need to be better about getting control of her portions. If I could just get into the habit of putting 2-3 bites of each item we're having for dinner on her plate, then telling her she can have seconds of anything she wants AFTER she has cleaned her plate. She really isn't that much of a picky eater, she likes a lot of food and we certainly don't serve her chicken nuggets and/or mac n cheese for every meal. But we end up throwing a lot of food away.

But anyway, my Mother's Day was very nice. And I have two beautiful daughters that any mother would be proud to call her own!

Happy Easter!

2011-04-24T20:08:00.002-04:00

What the...?!

2011-04-18T07:03:00.004-04:00

So... we're sitting at our favorite Italian bistro eating breadsticks and waiting for our entrees when Lin suddenly blurts out, "What the H*ll! Where's our food?!" A sudden silence fell upon the crowd. We asked her what she said and she clammed up... knowing instantly that she said something wrong. And within earshot of several other tables! She repeated it quietly and we explained why that wasn't the best thing to say... especially since we just ordered our food!

This is not the italian bistro, but a typical snapshot of our crazy family having dinner. Notice the sleepy child with white blankie, the ravenous big sister and blissfull mama bear.

As Summer vacation quickly approaches, Lin has been asking us, almost hourly it seems, what she'll be doing. since our big trip to Disney isn't until October. So we've been researching activities to keep her busy. Although, her typical response is to frown when you present an idea to her. But one thing that I thought would garner an "No" was sending her off to Summer Camp. This past weekend we took a road trip to an all-girls Summer camp located just a few hours away and took a tour. She loved it! Cabin-living, horseback riding, archery, canoing, singing, outdoor cooking, goats, the works! We signed her up that day! She'll be going to a mini 4-day session, staying overnight in a big cabin, we think it'll be a great boost for her confidence in communicating with other kids her age. She still has a "wall" up and doesn't interact much with other kids. We're excited and she is definitely excited. We fell in love with the camp so much that earlier in the Summer, Ruby and Mama will be attending a two-day/sleepover camp as well. We're also thinking of a trip to Tennessee so she can spend time with her best friend from Shanghai.

Ruby attempting to climb the rock wall!

She made it!

So... Sunday morning and we're getting dressed for church when the phone rings. Dave answers it and it is the fraud prevention center at our bank... oh, great... Anyways, it seems that somebody has been ringing up hundreds of dollars through iTunes. Yikes! We cancelled the card and will dispute the charges, but just a word of warning if your kids are downloading iTunes app to check your iTunes account history periodically. Lin purchased several Chinese games and apps for her iPod, but along the way somebody snagged the account info since all of the bogus charges were from a Chinese retailer.

The girls biking back from the Chinese grocery store.

Spring Break!

2011-04-05T17:47:00.001-04:00

It's Spring Break time around here! Lin and Ruby are both out of school for the week, so Dave and I took a week off of work, too. I believe it's the first time we've had a full week of time off together since our trip to China in June.

And of course, how do we choose to spend our much-deserved vacation? Remodeling the kitchen! A week of rest and relaxation is for wussies! We're Go-Getters in this house!

**Please, no one remind me of the slight emotional break-down I had yesterday morning, standing in my disasterous kitchen, Ruby running through with a paintbrush painting everything except the walls, Lin being impatient about why it's taking so long, and Dave looking at me and saying "What? It'll be fine!" **

Anyhoo, I'd say we're about 75% done with our project. The painting is done and our brand-new dishwasher is installed and working like a champ (it's my first dishwasher! Can you believe it?!?). Our new kitchen island is supposed to be delivered tomorrow and after that it's just the details that need to be finished. I'll post before-and-after photos when we're all done.

In the meantime, here are some pictures of Ruby. So much of this blog has been dedicated to Lin and our story of older child adoption, but I can't let you forget about our 4-year-old cutie!

Here's Ruby with her most-beloved posession, White Blankie, sometimes referred to as White Blank. For the record, White Blankie is a "she" and Ruby can hardly stand to go anywhere without her, although we do make White Blankie stay in the car when we go places (and yes, White Blankie is often perched on top of Ruby's head).

As you can see, Ruby is a thumb-sucker. But she really only sucks her thumb when she's holding White Blankie. Sometimes all Ruby wants to do is lay on the floor, sucking her thumb and cuddling White Blankie. I try to discourage this, however, and I often find myself telling Ruby to put White Blankie down and go do something!

Here's Ruby (and White Blankie) playing in the box the dishwasher came in.

A favorite game of Ruby's is to pretend she's a baby. Her baby name is "Baby Cherry" and the dishwasher box quickly became Baby Cherry's crib.

You go, girl!

2011-04-01T07:15:00.002-04:00

She did it again! Lin came home with another Honor Roll Certificate from school. We are so proud of her! She is studying so hard to learn English. Every weeknight, 8pm sharp, it's homework time! No matter what else is going on or whatever we may be doing, she'll sit at the kitchen table, pencil in hand, waiting for us to join her. We've never had to tell her to do her homework... now that's Dedication!

Trouble

2011-03-23T05:23:00.001-04:00

Hoo-boy, did Lin get in trouble last night!

Lin has an incredibly annoying habit of "pretending" to be asleep or pretending to not hear us when it's time to do something. This happens most often in the car. She will pretend to be asleep in the back seat when it's time to get out of the car, forcing Dave and/or I to stand outside the car with her door open, saying over and over "come on Lin. Come on, Lin." This is the kind of thing that's cute about... once. After that, I'm done. I've told her a number of times to stop doing this. And last night I decided to teach her a lesson.

I had taken the girls to get their hair cut (Ruby got about 4 inches cut off -- super cute!). As we were walking out Lin stopped in the doorway. Just stopped. I held the door. I said "come on, Lin." She didn't budge. I told her that I wasn't going to stand outside in the cold rain and wait for her and I walked to the car. Every few steps I looked back at the door and motioned for her to follow me. She just stood there. So after I buckled Ruby into the car I looked back toward the door, just in time to see Lin slip around the corner of the building. With thoughts of "Why, you little *#@!" I got in the car and drove to that side of the building. No Lin. I proceeded to have a minor heart attack, until she came out from between two cars.

Well, when she got into the car I pretty much let her have it. I told her to not ever do that to me again. It's not funny and I'm sick of it! I certainly wasn't screaming at her, but my voice was raised to a level that I don't think Lin has heard me use before. As we drove home I knew she was crying a bit. Of course I don't want to see my child cry, but I knew that I had to get through to her, and this was the way to do it. I didn't say anything to comfort her. She needed to feel bad for what she'd done.

We got home and I told Dave what had happened. He told her the same things I did (although in a nicer tone of voice), that it's not funny and that she needs to stop doing this. I told her how terrified I had been when I couldn't see where she was. She tried to come back by saying that no one had asked her how she felt. She was scared, too. She thought that I was leaving her. Wellllll....... good. Now she knows there's a consequence to her actions and hopefully she won't pull that crap again.

She did apologize to me later and it seemed genuine, so I think maybe, just maybe, she got the message.

Marshmallows

2011-03-22T08:27:00.000-04:00

Yesterday Ruby and I were eating marshmallows (yum!). I told her that I had a dream once that I was eating marshmallows and when I woke up, my pillow was gone.

She laughed and laughed!

Having a 4-year-old is really fun (sometimes).

It's Monday

2011-03-14T05:21:00.000-04:00

I'm so sorry for neglecting my blog so much this past month. I guess I haven't felt like there's much to write about lately. We're just living life here. Work, school, dinner, homework, bedtime... Rinse and repeat.

We took the girls to a hotel/waterpark two weeks ago and had a great time. Who would have thought that Lin, who would barely put her feet in the water last summer, would have such a great time at a water park? She LOVES the water! I'm thinking about getting her into swimming lessons before summer, so that she knows the actual mechanics of swimming. She's great on the water slides but I think she would still be hesitant if she were just in a regular swimming pool. Thinking about how great she is on her bike (she never learned to ride a bike in China) makes me think that if she knew how to swim there'd be no stopping her!

We have booked a trip to *Disney*World* for this fall! We will celebrate Lin's 14th birthday there and, needless to say, we are all very excited! In fact, I'm afraid that Ruby may be a bit too excited. Did I mention that we're not going until October?! I worry that over the next several months Ruby's excitement will grow and grow until she is a complete disaster by the time we board the plane!

Lin has been just a little bit of a challenge the last few days or so. There's another blog I follow that describes "the wall" that older adopted kids hit at some point and I wonder if that's what Lin's experiencing. The realization that being in a family is actually not always great. There are behavioral expectations. There are siblings to deal with. There are household chores to do. There's homework every day. There are days which are, quite frankly, lousy. And for me, dealing with my first teenaged child, I'm not sure how much slack I'm supposed to give her. My first instinct when she starts getting a bad attitude about things is to tell her to straighten up. Knock it off. Deal with it. But then I wonder if that's the right thing to say? I certainly don't mean that I will cater to her and baby her when she's in a lousy mood. But maybe I should be a little bit more understanding of what she's going through before I judge her too harshly. After all, she started a whole new life at probably the most difficult time for any kid. If she wants to pout and be sulky once in a while, maybe I should just get off her back.

"My Jungle Tiger"

2011-03-09T08:31:00.000-05:00

We received a wonderful surprise in the mail last week from the Shanghai Children's Home. A book filled with artwork titled "Tiger Drawings by Tiger Kids" that were on exhibit at the Shanghai Contemporary Art Museum and our Lin was a featured artist. Yeah! We asked if she knew her artwork was at the museum and she just shrugged her shoulders and said she saw it. Talk about modest! Anyways, we are quite proud.

Applesauce

2011-02-18T13:15:00.000-05:00

Okay, okay, I'm going to stop making promises on my blog. This is NOT the afore-promised picture post... again. Please don't be mad.

I just thought this was too cute not to share. Ruby had a homework assignment for preschool this week. She was supposed to tell me how to cook her favorite food. My assignment was to write down, word-for-word, her instructions. I was not to edit anything. The recipes from all the kids are going to be compiled and I really hope I get a copy because they should be pretty entertaining to read.

And so without further ado, Ruby's recipe -- in her own unedited words -- for Homemade Applesauce:

- You have to get a little water

- And you have to get a little flowers -- no actually, milk

- And you have to get some cheese -- no actually, juice

- You need homemade applesauce and plain applesauce

- If you put the milk in first and the applesauce in first you get more applesauce. It makes a giant bowl if you put applesauce and milk in first.

**At this point I asked her if you needed to cook the applesauce**
- You just have to mix only a little and you have to put an ice cube in and some water, and that will make it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How cute is that? And for the record, I had no idea that homemade applesauce was her favorite food. She came up with that one out of the blue. I've never made applesauce for her, although my mother has made it, but to my knowledge she has never witnessed applesauce being made.

If anyone feels like joining in on this homework assignment, feel free to leave your child's "recipe" in the comments. I'd love to read them!

Um... What?

2011-02-17T08:26:00.000-05:00

This is not the picture post I had promised earlier... I swear I will post new pictures soon...

But I just had to quickly share what Lin said last night. With a sparkle in her eyes and a huge grin on her face, she told us she thinks it would be FUN to have another younger sister...

oh boy...

Catching Up

2011-02-15T05:18:00.000-05:00

Wow! Two weeks since my last blog post... I know there are at least a handful of people who read this, so I apologize to you all for the gap.

Lin has now been with us for 8 months -- hard to believe it's been that long already! And while the vast majority of our days are pretty happy and easy-going, we are also having days where Lin is really dealing with some heavy emotional pain. It seems a little bit like, the longer she's with us, the deeper the pain.

For example, she had about one full day where she was pretty resentful toward me because I'm not her birth mother. It wasn't the first time she's talked about her birth parents, but it was the first time she seemed angry toward me. It lasted just a day or so and then things got back to normal. I spoke with our family counselor and she told me that it's important for me to engage Lin in conversations about her life before us, so that Lin knows that I'm not threatened by it. Lin needs to know that I'm not replacing any of the important women who have been part of her life.

She suggested that when the weather warms up I get Lin into gardening. I can make the comparison between the flowers that we plant and Lin's life. The roots are strong and important to the plant. But now we need to add good soil and water so that the plant can bloom and grow.

But like I said, most days are really good. Lin made me a beautiful Valentine's Day card yesterday. I'll have to take a picture and post it. And Ruby is doing great. She has her Valentine's Day party at preschool today, and she's all ready to wear her super-fancy red dress (it's actually her Christmas dress, but hey, it's red!).

My next post will be a picture post...

Happy New Year!

2011-02-01T05:40:00.000-05:00

Happy Year of the Rabbit!

The official Chinese New Year comes on Thursday, but we had our 2nd Annual Chinese New Year Extravaganza this past Saturday night. What a great party! Our small house has never been so full of people.

Here's Lin and Ruby, making the Jiao Zi, or dumplings. Ruby stuffed and folded about 5 successfully. Lin and I did about 90. She and I can whip through those things pretty fast!

The featured dishes, all prepared by Dave. In the wok at the far left are the pan-fried noodles. In the back row left-right: black pepper chicken, lemon chicken, dumplings. And in the front row left-right: salmon with black bean sauce, beef with oyster sauce, and sweet and sour cabbage. Not pictured but also consumed: egg rolls prepared by our friend Kerri, and tomato-eggdrop soup prepared by our friend Pam, in addition to cookies and candies brought by other friends.

Dave is developing quite the reputation as a chef. He and I have always kicked around ideas of starting up a food business... I think he's getting closer to making it a reality!

In this picture: In blue, Grace, from Ruby's travel group. In the grey sweatshirt, Qi Xuan, who goes to school with Lin. In red, Claire, from Lin's travel group. And in black, our Lin.

Fifteen kids at our house! They all had a great time, and some new friendships were made among kids who previously didn't know each other. All but 3 of the kids in this picture are adopted from China.

In this picture, Lin, Claire and Michaela. All three are from Shanghai and knew each other before we knew them.

Lin really had a great time at the party. At one point I said to her "It's a little bit crazy, huh?" and she said "No, it's CUTE!" She was really excited to see Claire again -- they haven't seen each other since coming home from China in June.

Lin was more animated than I've seen her be with other people. I even saw her talking to one or two of the adults, something she does rarely. It just seemed like she was so proud that this is her home. We all had a great time!

Xin Nian Kuai Le! Happy New Year!

Gotcha!

2011-01-21T06:48:00.001-05:00

Three years ago, we took the elevator to the 8th floor of an office building located in the heart of Guangzhou, China. Moments later... we became parents. And what a joy these past three years have been! So today, we celebrate Ruby's "Gotcha Day" with a brief look back at that inspiring, terrifying, joyous day when we held Ruby Xu Jun in our arms for the very first time.

Ruby now!

Happy Birthday Ruby!!

2011-01-20T05:12:00.000-05:00

My little girl is the big 0-4!!

Happy Birthday, Ruby!

After days of pondering, Ruby finally decided she wanted to eat at Panera for her birthday dinner. Here she is, waiting patiently for the "OK" to start opening her presents.

Let 'er rip!

Checking out her new book of Bible stories...

Here's the Big Gift -- a Big Girl Bed, complete with Dora sheets. Does life get any better for a now-4-year-old girl?

SPRING FEVER

2011-01-15T14:48:00.001-05:00

Another Chance

2011-01-10T05:33:00.000-05:00

Well, it's another Monday. Another chance to start in on those New Year's Resolutions I set for myself. I figured out why it's so hard to stick to healthy resolutions -- I don't wanna! When it's lunchtime and I'm hungry, and faced with the option of eating raw veggies and dip or running into the nearest Jimmy*John's, well, I'll give you two guesses which one I'll choose and the first guess doesn't count (to quote my dad).

I have been successful in flossing my teeth every night. And I've gone to bed earlier every night, although I have yet to hit my goal of 7 hours. But I've increased my sleep from 5-6 hours to 6 1/2 hours! This week I'll work on adding that last half hour. The tough thing with my sleep is, I have to get up at 3:00am to go to work. So getting 7 hours of sleep means going to bed at 8:00pm. I know my family knows I have to be up at 3:00am. And when I say I need more sleep at night, they all agree and say "no problem!" But the reality of that commitment is quite a bit different. "What?! You're going to bed? Now?! But it's so early! There's still homework to do. There's still bedtime stories to read. The kitchen's a mess. There's still clothes in the dryer..."

Anyhoo... On Saturday we met up with another family who adopted a boy that Lin knows from Shanghai. They live a little over an hour away from us, so we picked a McD's at a rough half-way point and had an early dinner. Kids are funny. And by "funny" I mean aggravating -- in a good way. Lin's friend Will was very shy and would barely look at Lin, let alone talk to her. The poor child just looked completely overwhelmed. And Lin, being the "tough girl" she is, quickly took on the attitude "Well if he's not talking to me, I'm not talking to him!" Despite my suggesting that she talk first, she wouldn't do it. Finally I was able to convince Lin to get into the play place with the other kids and after a minute or two I did hear her talking to Will. When she came back to the table I said that I had heard her talking. She said "Yeah, I say 'Why you no talk to me?!'" Whew! I fear for her future husband!

We took a couple pictures but I don't have them on the computer yet. You can see pictures on the Knisely's blog by clicking here.

Happy Monday, everyone!

Looking Up

2011-01-07T05:27:00.000-05:00

Well, things are looking up in my world again, now. Lin and I had another argument on Wednesday over practicing her flute (she was goofing around instead of actually practicing, then got mad at ME for getting frustrated by the goofing around... Grrrrr).

So... I wallowed in self-pity for a good long time. I ate ice cream for lunch. I put off doing household chores and caught up on a couple TV shows (I only get to watch what I want to watch on TV about once a month, maybe less).

And then I came back to my senses. For one thing, Lin is a teenager, and she's going to be a little stinker sometimes no matter how she came to be my daughter. That's the role of a hormonal teenage daughter. And I just have to learn not to take it so personally. And for another thing, she has only been playing this role of "daughter" for six months. I think I got too comfortable with how well everything has been going, especially over Christmas. It's easy to forget that she still has a long way to go in her transition to having a family. It's my job to teach her what "Mom" is, not get frustrated when she doesn't understand.

I also started re-reading an adoption book, The Connected Child (by Purvis, Cross and Sunshine). This is the best book I've read for adoption issues, and it calmed me down immediately. I began picturing myself as the kind of mother I'd like to be -- calm, soft-spoken, loving. I don't need to be the "fun" parent. I'd like to be the quiet parent. The one person you know who gives the greatest hug you've ever had. That's who I want to be for my daughters.

So with that in mind, I came home from work. Normally I pick Lin up from school and then go get Ruby from day care, but yesterday Dave picked up the girls because I had a meeting in the afternoon. So when I got home everyone was outside playing in the snow. It was the first time I'd seen Lin since our rough night on Wednesday. She came around to my car-door and as I got out, she held out her arms for a hug.

And we hugged each other for a long time.

Why are you doing this to me?

2011-01-05T08:57:00.000-05:00

I had a tough time with Lin yesterday. It wasn't all bad, we had some good times, too. But for a lot of the time we were together, she was trying to pick a fight with me. Testing me. As I was thinking about it again this morning, I realized that she was bullying me. It hurts.

I won't go into the specifics of each little conflict. There were a fair number of small things that just kept building on each other. But by the end of the evening, when she was again pestering me even though I asked her to stop, she again taunted me with the question "Are you mad at me?" (I'd heard that question a lot throughout the day ) I finally looked at her and said "Do you want me to be mad at you? Are you trying to fight with me?" And she laughed. It was something about her posture, the look on her face, her whole body language -- she was being a bully. I was hurt and she laughed at me. I told her that trying to make me mad is not funny. She laughed again. Despite my telling her that it wasn't funny, she kept laughing.

Then she said "I win." That stopped me. I said, this isn't a game. This isn't a competition. There is no winner or loser between mother and daughter. She said "You're the loser and I'm the winner." Yup. It hurts. A lot.

The thing is, my instinct is to walk away from a fight. I'm not going to argue with you. I'm not going to fight with you. I'm going to walk away. But is that the right response in this situation? Is it right to walk away from my newly adopted, 13-year-old daughter, who is trying to figure out what exactly a "mother" is? What exactly does it mean to be a "daughter?" Who is pushing my buttons repeatedly, intentionally, to see what happens?

I'd love you to chime in with some advice for me...

We had another exchange earlier in the day that will need some exploring, and maybe it's time for another appointment with our family counselor. Lin thinks it's funny to call me Lisa and to call her dad David. Most of the time it's harmless. But yesterday, after about 45 minutes of this "testing" me, she then started calling me Lisa. I told her that I really want her to call me "Mom" or "Mama." I tried to play it off with humor at first, but when she persisted (the bullying again) I got more serious with her. I'm your mom. I want you to call me Mom. I don't like it when you call me Lisa.

Lin said that in China she would sometimes call her teachers "Teacher" or call them by name. She would call her nannies "Aiyi" or call them by name. She said "It doesn't matter." I told her, I'm not your teacher. I'm not your Aiyi. I'm your mom. She continued with the "It doesn't matter" line. I told her that it does matter, to me. I told that I'm so happy to be her mom, and that when she calls me Lisa it makes me feel like she doesn't want me to be her mom. Again, "It doesn't matter."

Ouch, folks. Ouch.

Let's Make it a Great 2011!!

2011-01-02T19:21:00.000-05:00

Well, 2011 has started. Have you failed your New Year's Resolutions yet? I have! But I'm giving myself another chance to start fresh tomorrow... Monday. It always seems easier to start something new on a Monday. (I mean, you can't start eating healthier on a Saturday, for goodness' sake!!)

My resolutions this year are:

- Floss my teeth every day
- Eat 2 servings of fruit every day
- Eat 3 servings of vegetables every day
- Take a walk/run 5-6 days per week
- Do a simple weight-training workout 2-3 days per week
- Get at least 7 hours of sleep every night ** This one's going to be the most difficult **

Think I can make it? I am really, truly going to try. I'll keep you posted.

I also picked up a book about organizing. It gives a different organizing task to accomplish each week. When all these things are broken down into small jobs it seems manageable. Why do so many people fail at these kinds of resolutions, myself included? All I can say is I'm going to give it an honest try...

I was very happy this morning to find the girls each in their own rooms playing by themselves. It's not that I don't want to play with them, but I think it's very healthy for kids to learn how to play by themselves, without resorting to vegging out in front of the TV. And I enjoy being alone. I'm sorry, but I need space... often!

In this household, Lin tends to flop in front of the TV when she is not given something to do. And Ruby tends to wander around the house, sometimes literally just rolling on the floor, with her favorite blankie in her hand and her thumb in her mouth. It drives me crazy!!

So I was very happy to find Lin playing with her new *Barbies and Ruby playing with *Legos. Happy. Alone.

**They lasted this way for nearly 5 minutes!**

Is it time to go back to school yet?

2010-12-30T05:24:00.000-05:00

Lin is not looking forward to school starting up again on Monday. Unfortunately, that's the way the cookie crumbles! And I know that we all need to get back into our routine. Dave, Lin and Ruby have all been home this week (I didn't have any vacation time left -- boo!) and although I know they've been having fun, I also know that each of them needs to get back into their own little corners of the world.

I've noticed a slight change in the relationship between Lin and Ruby the last couple weeks or so. They seem to be getting closer to each other, acting just a little bit more like sisters rather than two girls, 10 years apart in age, who live in the same house. Maybe it's because of Christmas?

The other night we were out for dinner and as we walked back to the car Ruby wanted to hold Lin's hand. So Lin told Dave and I to hold hands. Lin and Ruby walked behind us, holding hands, and every few steps they would stop walking and Lin would crouch down just a bit to be closer to Ruby's level. When Dave and I would turn around to look they would giggle together. In this way, they kept getting further and further behind us, and they kept laughing harder and harder. By the time we got to the car Ruby was pretty much out of control with screaming laughter. Then on the way home the girls took turns making funny noises with their mouths (okay, okay, they were making fart sounds -- there, I said it!). It got pretty crazy!

We also took them to an indoor inflatable bounce-house place the other day. Although Dave and I also climbed and played, it was mostly Lin and Ruby running and playing together. Lin would help Ruby climb up onto the structures and then they would come flying down the slides, and after disembarking, Ruby would grab Lin's hand and drag her off to the next one.

Of course, they've also been arguing a bit more, too. Ruby acts-out toward Lin when she wants attention from her big sister. Usually Lin ignores it, or Dave and I step in and tell Ruby to stop. But I've been purposely NOT getting involved lately, just to let the girls start dealing with these little conflicts on their own. Although I certainly do not enjoy hearing them argue, in a way I know it's good because they are forming their relationship, without Dave or I trying to guide them.

So, that's what's going on with us as this Christmas vacation comes to a close. We went ice skating last night. Lin said she had gone ice skating a little bit in China but she had a pretty tough time with it yesterday. I mostly stood still on my skates, trying to help out both girls. We gave it up after awhile as I don't think anyone was really having any fun. We're going to try skiing next!

It's All Downhill...

2010-12-27T08:02:00.001-05:00

Lin's first time sledding was a blast, but watch the landing!

Ruby and Mama, going just a tad off-course.

The big race! An incredible finish to an incredible Christmas!

Christmas Extravaganza!!

2010-12-26T13:49:00.000-05:00

Pre-Christmas cookie-baking... The dreaded Butter Cookie (aka Cookie Press cookie). A Christmas tradition -- they're a pain in the #$* to make, but delicious to eat!

Getting ready to head out the door on Christmas Eve, for the first of several family Christmas parties!

Lin and Ruby (with their Grandma/Nai Nai) opening the first of many presents!

Christmas Eve evening at Grandma and Grandpa's house.

Ruby, making sure Santa's reindeer are well-fed!

Christmas morning with brand-new Pillow*Pets!

Playing a mean game of Old Maid with the cousins...

Is there anything better than playing with Christmas *Barbies (while wearing new Christmas jammies)?

**Please note: I apologize for the lack of clothing on Lin's *Barbie.**

It's been a crazy 48 hours, but all of our Christmas parties are now done and we're ready to just hang out at home and enjoy our new toys! Lin did absolutely great on her very first Christmas -- she's exhausted but just so happy. I wasn't sure about the *Barbies, whether she would play with them or not, but I wanted her to at least have the opportunity. Just now as I'm typing this, she sang out "I love my *Barbie girl!"

Lin just asked when we were going to go outside and play... Stay tuned for pictures of Lin on her brand-new sled, going sledding for the first time in her life!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Without getting too weepy, I have to say that the joy I have experienced these last two days, seeing Christmas through the eyes of a 13-year-old girl who never had a Christmas before, just overwhelms me. I can't sufficiently put it into words, so all I'll say is... We're happy.

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-25T06:39:00.000-05:00

Merry...

Christmas!!!

Throwing in the Towel

2010-12-23T15:20:00.000-05:00

It goes against everything I think I know about parenting (which is very little) but I think I've got to throw in the towel and declare that Ruby is done taking naps. The child just doesn't fall asleep in the afternoons anymore.

And she's only 3! In my head, children should take an afternoon nap until at least age 5. I remember taking a
nap in the afternoon when I was in kindergarten, so that's what I thought all kids needed. But the fact of the matter is, Ruby just doesn't fall asleep. No matter how hard I try to get her to settle down and get sleepy, she pops right back up to play.

My new plan of action is to get her to play quietly in her room for awhile each afternoon. If I tell her she does NOT have to sleep, but that she still needs to have some quiet time, maybe that will work.

(Alright, let's be honest here... It's ME who still wants an afternoon nap every day!! I can't bear the thought of having to give up MY nap!! Waaaaaaaahhhh!!!!!!!)

Addressing a Comment - an Educational Post

2010-12-21T11:28:00.000-05:00

I have debated whether or not to address the comment left to me on the "Daddy's Girl" post, and I've decided that I should. If one person had the courage to leave me a comment, then there are a lot of people who are thinking it but didn't want to say it.

This is one of those blog posts not intended so much for family and friends, but more for the people reading this because they are preparing for their own adoption...

First of all, thank you so much to the person who left the comment. It was very kindly worded and basically just wondered if the close bond between Lin and her dad is appropriate for a newly adopted teenage daughter. I totally understand the concern and it is something that is on my mind quite a bit.

Hmmm.. how do I proceed here with honesty and sensitivity, while also maintaining my privacy and not revealing anything that I may someday regret?

Starting when we were still in China, there were certainly times in the beginning when I felt that Lin had more of an infatuation, a crush, on her dad. She even told our guide that she and her friends talked about how good-looking her dad was when she got the pictures we sent her. But Dave and I took immediate action, to show her that Mom and Dad are the family team, not Lin and Dad. Dave and I held hands more. We were more openly affectionate with each other. We sat next to each other in a restaurant, with Lin sitting opposite us. Just minor adjustments to our normal routine.

Most importantly, we addressed the issue before it was an issue.

And now there are a number of ways Lin shows me that she knows that Dave and I are a team. She has asked me how Dave proposed to me. We've looked through our wedding album. On Halloween, I even put on my wedding dress! Lin always insists that Dave and I kiss each other good-night and she gets very giggle and cute when Dave and I are going out on a "date." (Well, the two times Dave and I have gone out on a "date" in the last six months!)

And let me clarify what I mean when I say that Dave and Lin get into tickle-fights. A better way to say it would have been, they beat the snot out of each other -- in a playful way. Lin is very athletic, very strong. She LOVES to be physical and to show her strength. So she and Dave arm-wrestle. She jumps on his back when he's not expecting it. He comes up behind her and grabs her and throws her over his shoulder. She plays keep-away with his glasses and runs screaming through the house while he tries to catch her.

Yes, maybe a 13-year-old girl who'd been in a family since birth would no longer behave this way with her dad. But for a girl who didn't have this kind of romper-room family when she was 5, 6, 7 years old, I think Lin is perfectly normal.

So Cool

2010-12-20T13:01:00.000-05:00

'Tis the season for Christmas cards! Every year we tape up the cards we get around the doorway leading from our kitchen into our backyard. This year I noticed something really cool, something I'm so proud of, and I hope someday my daughters notice the same thing...

I noticed the number of Christmas cards we have with pictures of Chinese children in their Forever Families. What an amazing extended family we are a part of! Families from all over the country that we now call our friends, linked forever through these amazing and brave children.

Daddy's Girl

2010-12-13T05:29:00.000-05:00

Lin has been a big-time daddy's girl from just about the moment the two met each other. They are inseperable! They cook together. They watch kung-fu movies together. They play games together. They are just together all the time. It can be... intense.

About one-third of the time, I'm fine with it. They have a truly wonderful father-daughter relationship that is a joy to see.

About one-third of the time, I start to wonder what I'm doing wrong, that Lin doesn't want to hang out with me as much as she wants to be with Dave. But then I remind myself that she's got a Dad for the first time in her life and she is just in her glory. She spent too many years without a Dad and she's just making up for lost time.

And about one-third of the time I want to stand up and scream "Give it a rest!! We all get it! You love each other! It's getting on my nerves!!"

Yesterday was one of those days.

I had felt a cold coming on all day Saturday and by yesterday morning, I was down for the count. So I know this didn't help matters. But as I was laying on the couch, feeling rotten, while Dave and Lin had a screaming-loud tickle-fight, I decided I'd had enough. I took my book and went back to bed.

A few minutes later, who comes in the room? Lin. She brought her iP*d. She lay down next to me and just played games, quietly.

I guess maybe I am doing something right.

6 Months Ago...

2010-12-07T17:20:00.000-05:00

Six months ago today, I sat in a conference room of the Shanghai Children's Welfare Institute, waiting for my life to change forever. When I look at this picture, I swear, I can actually hear my heart pounding. I was scared out of my mind...

And then... there she was... (Listen, can you hear it? I hear two hearts pounding when I look at this picture.)

And when I look at this picture, taken almost 6 months later, I hear two hearts bursting with love...

It's been an amazing 6 months!

Picture Post...

2010-12-03T18:16:00.001-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

Making a gingerbread house at our post-Thanksgiving getaway

Lin playing air hockey with her cousin David

Goofy pictures with the cousins in front of the hotel Christmas tree

Lin and her cousin Megan are one week apart in age. Love that teenager attitude!

Family picture at the hotel

Working on the Christmas tree

Happy December

2010-12-01T05:29:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning and was greeted by a light dusting of snow on the ground... the season is here at last! Here in Michigan we usually see at least some flurries by early November, but this year we've had nuthin' so far. I wish I could be home this morning when the girls wake up and see it, but alas, I'm at work. Lin is very excited for snow. A few weeks ago she asked me what day the snow would come -- she wanted to know specifically what day it would start snowing. When I couldn't give her an exact date, she asked what day the snow started last year. The girl needs details! She also told us that once we had snow on the ground she would only come inside for meals; she would spend the rest of her time playing outdoors. Well, we'll see how she feels by about the end of January or so.

We had a nice Thanksgiving. Lots of food, lots of family, a couple of people Lin hadn't met before. She took it all in stride, helping cook the fried rice and stir-fried noodles that we added to our Thanksgiving feast this year. Then on Friday we headed out of town to spend the weekend with my side of the family. It was exhausting but very fun, too. Now we gear up for Christmas!

On Sunday afternoon we put up the Christmas tree and decorated the house. It was really fun to watch Lin. She helped string the lights and really got into putting the ornaments on the tree. She would put up a few ornaments, then step back and look and say "Beautiful!" She just glowed. I felt bad about the number of ornaments we have for Ruby -- picture ornaments, "First Christmas" ornaments, etc. If Lin were a baby it wouldn't be a big deal because she wouldn't know the difference. But at 13 years old, I wonder how it makes Lin feel when she sees so much evidence of her 3-year-old sister's place in our family, and so little for her. All we can do is get some new ornaments this year and make some new traditions that include Lin.

I had a really nice afternoon with Lin yesterday. We came home from school and had about 45 minutes to kill before heading to our tennis lesson. Instead of turning on the TV, we just talked. It was a conversation that could never have happened if I had planned it. We were just folding laundry together and I don't even know how the conversation started, but we talked about life and death, how old were my grandparents when they died, how long do I want to live, things like that. I guess when I write it down it sounds depressing, but it wasn't at all. It was so nice just to talk with her.

Then we started talking about God and Heaven, and how we'll see each other there when we die. And I got the chance to talk to her about God and how God is always listening to us and how she can talk to God about anything. I told her that I talk to God every day. She was saying that God is the one who decides when people die, then she joked and pretended to pray "God, I don't want to die. God, I don't want to die." I laughed and said, well you can talk to God about more than just that! And I told her that God is why we go to church (we didn't talk about Jesus, but hopefully that conversation will come up here in the next few weeks).

So it was just really nice. A nice conversation while folding towels and socks and underwear, just the two of us at home. And then last night she fell asleep on the couch curled up next to me with her head on my shoulder. That's a feeling I'll put in my emotional bank, to pull out and remember when I need to.

The Goose is Getting Fat

2010-11-23T11:11:00.001-05:00

Well, Christmas is coming ... I thought I would take this opportunity to update you all on where we are with Lin, and where I thought we'd be by this time.

November 17th marked 5 months since Lin became an American citizen. In those first weeks home I set my sites on Christmas, as the time when we would have met certain milestones. For example, I thought by Christmas maybe Lin would have a friend her own age. I thought by Christmas she would be fairly fluent in English, at least in her ability to understand every day conversation. I thought by Christmas our new routine as a family of 4 would be running smoothly.

I was kinda right...

First of all, Lin's English. It's great. Truly great. I definitely feel like she understands most of what I'm saying, and she communicates with us almost exclusively in English. Now, with that said, I would describe our communication as being very much like having a young toddler in the house. Lin speaks in words and phrases. She will say a full sentence occasionally, but it is extremely rare that she says anything really grammatically correct. I understand her when she talks because I'm used to the words she uses and the pattern of her speech, and that goes for Lin as well -- she understand us, but may not know what someone else is saying. When we are around other people I still feel it necessary to be Lin's translator. I guess, without knowing what to expect ahead-of-time, I'd say the communication was never as difficult as I'd feared. It is often inconvenient, but never a total roadblock that we can't get around.

I was wrong in hoping that Lin would have a friend by now. She just can't communicate with other kids yet. I know a lot of that has to do with her age. If she were a couple years younger and in elementary school, she would play with other kids at recess. As a 13-year-old in middle school, there is never an opportunity for playtime. She routinely sees a couple girls (Sophie and Anna -- I've mentioned them before) but that's because I'm making the effort, not because Lin is expressing any real interest in interacting with them. But we're at a point now where Lin at least will talk about them on occasion. For example, last week Anna was not at our tennis lesson because of an orthodontist appointment, so yesterday when I said "maybe Anna will be at tennis tomorrow," Lin said "Anna no teeth tomorrow?" It's such a little thing, but I was so happy that Lin remembered, first of all, who Anna is (it's sometimes a struggle for Lin to remember American names and faces), and secondly, why she had not been at tennis last week. This is a step forward.

As far as our routine as a family... I guess I've decided that maybe family life is never supposed to feel routine. Maybe family life is just meant to be chaotic. Right now we're struggling quite a bit with Ruby and her 3-year-old temper tantrums. She is just so often mad about something, and it usually involves Lin (why does Lin get to go outside? Why does Lin get to watch TV? Why is Lin on the couch?). And I feel so bad for Lin when Ruby starts up, because I just think, what must Lin be thinking right now as her kid sister is screaming her head off in the other room? I get it, it must be so hard for Ruby right now. To not only have a new sibling to deal with, but a new sibling that's older than her on top of it. The girl is just really out-of-sorts and I'm trying very hard to figure out how to deal with it. One thing I think might help is if Lin put some effort into playing with Ruby. It is still the case that the girls merely co-exist, but never really interact in a positive way. I'm wondering what would happen if Lin just got down on the floor and acted silly with Ruby. Maybe I'll suggest it today...

So that's where we are... I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving! We're adding fried rice and stir-fried noodles to our Thanksgiving dinner this year -- I can't wait!

Oodles of Noodles

2010-11-23T06:15:00.001-05:00

Noodles 3 Ways... This is what a typical breakfast in our household looks like... noodles, noodles, noodles.

Sometimes it seems a little strange to make a bowl of black bean garlic noodles at 6:30 in the morning, but when it brings a smile this big, what can you do? Answer... get that pot of water boiling!

Happy Anniversary!

2010-11-15T05:21:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was our wedding anniversary! Dave and I have been married for 12 years... Now would someone like to explain to me how we ended up with a 13-year-old daughter?!?

For a few brief moments yesterday morning, Dave and I were the only ones awake. He asked me if I ever thought, 12 years ago, that I would someday be the mother of two Chinese girls. And that got me thinking...

12 years ago, Dave and I weren't actually planning on having children at all. We daydreamed about living on the beach in South Florida, travelling -- just being the two of us. Probably not a-typical for a newlywed couple. But of course, after a few years our priorities changed. We were happy in our jobs, happy in our town and we decided to buy a house, temporarily shelving the dream of the beach-side condo (there's always retirement!).

And with the house came the decision that maybe it was time to start thinking about children. We were adament that we would never "try" to have a baby. We just wanted to let nature take its course. So when a couple more years had passed and it was still just the two of us, our family doctor told us to go see a fertility specialist. We agreed and set the appointment, neither of us telling the other that we did not want to go.

I wish I could remember now how we stumbled into the conversation... I just remember the relief I felt when we finally admitted to each other that neither of us actually wanted to go to a fertility specialist. That's not the way we wanted to bring a child into our home, through appointments and treatments and stress.

I called the doctor's office to cancel the appointment. The receptionist was very nice, but surprised. I don't think many people cancel their appointment with a fertility doctor! But I happily told her, we're going to look into adoption...

Grab the Tissues...

2010-11-13T15:13:00.000-05:00

We have not pushed religion on Lin. We go to church on Sunday mornings. I know she understands why we go, she knows that we are Christian. But to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure what is the best way to bring religion into her life, besides bringing her into church and hoping she picks something up through osmosis!

So I was utterly shocked with what she said last night. I was not in the room when the conversation started, so I'm not sure how Lin and Dave got on the topic of her birth parents. But when I walked in, she was saying that she sometimes is a little sad when she thinks about her birthparents (or "1-Mama" and "1-Baba" as we call them). But she said that she doesn't really think about them that much because she doesn't know what they look like.

And then she said that someday she will be old and she will die.. and she will wake up in Heaven... and she will recognize them there...

We have a winner!

2010-11-10T05:55:00.002-05:00

Sorry to our competitors, but did you really think you had a chance against the culinary skills of Team China?! Ha ha... only kidding, kinda. Last weekend, our church had an international taste-off to help raise funds for youth projects. So naturally, we teamed up with another family with beautiful Chinese kids to represent China in the "friendly" competition... And we won the appetizer division!! Let's hear it for the champs!

The day started early as Dave, Lin and my great friend Pam stuffed, folded and fried 150 pork dumplings.. the ultimate comfort food! Next up, Dave prepared one of his most requested dishes, Crispy Prawns with Honey Garlic Sauce.

As the gang frantically slaved away in the kitchen, our friend Alan got out the lanterns and banners and decorated our table.

Ruby and her best friend in the entire world, M, put on their qi paos to help sway votes with their cuteness. The only problem with that was the fact that the girls spent more time running around playing and sampling food from the competition than hanging out at our cooking station. Oh well, at least they were still advertising our booth.

Serving up our award-winning shrimp and dumplings! I lost count of the number of repeat visitors (chowhounds) we had at our table.

You know they're good when the chefs can't stop eating them! It was also great to see Lin walking around the fellowship hall by herself and sampling the food. She'd even bring plates of food back to our table for us to enjoy. Recipes available upon request...

Halloween Pictures

2010-11-02T14:04:00.000-04:00

Playing in the leaves...

Carving pumpkins...

Ready for trick-or-treating...

Looking scary with Zombie-Dad...

Halloween and Other Good Times

2010-11-02T05:23:00.000-04:00

We had a great Halloween weekend! Both Saturday and Sunday were just beautiful; temperatures in the 50s and sun sun sun! We got everyone outside Saturday afternoon to rake leaves and do some fall lawn clean-up. I love cleaning up the yard in the fall, getting everything cut down and "put to bed" for winter. And then I love it when all the new flowers bloom in the spring. Now, if someone could just tell me the secret to keeping motivated to do all the maintenance work from mid-June to mid-September!

Anyway, back to our weekend. After raking leaves we headed inside to carve our pumpkins! Lin jumped right in without hesitation, drawing the face on her pumpkin and then carving it out. If you remember an earlier post, Lin is very confused as to why we're not eating the pumpkins, and she was still asking about it on Saturday. We told her, some people do, of course, but we're not planning on it (I've never cared for roasted pumpkin seeds...).

And then we headed out Sunday night for trick-or-treating! Ruby was a bat-ballerina and Lin was... well, the vampire teeth didn't work out, so Lin was just Lin-with-weird-makeup. She had a lot of fun with the makeup, especially seeing me and Dave getting all dolled-up as well (she made us promise that if she wore a costume, we would too). Dave was a zombie and I was... well, my vampire teeth didn't work out either, so I was just Lisa-with-weird-makeup.

We had a good time but overall, trick-or-treating was not quite the glorious experience I wanted it to be, unfortunately. After all the build-up and excitement from the last several weeks, Ruby decided to clam-up and be shy, pretty much refusing to let go of our hands or legs the whole time and barely able to whisper "trick or treat". Typical 3-year-old! And after about 3 houses, Lin decided that trick-or-treating was stupid and didn't want to do it anymore. Typical 13-year-old!

I was disappointed with her sudden switch in attitude and I told her, "This is Halloween! This is what Halloween is all about! It's a really big deal in America!" And finally she said to me (I'll paraphrase) "What if you were 13 years old and sent to live in China? And everyone was telling you that you had to do something but you didn't understand why, but everyone's telling you that it's a big deal in China and everyone in China is doing it. But you didn't understand it. How would you feel?"

Huh.

So I lightened-up on her, and then she lightened-up, and we all had a truly great time. I'll do a picture-post later today...

First Report Card

2010-10-21T05:12:00.001-04:00

We went to parent/teacher conferences last night and got Lin's first report card.

drumroll please...

All A's and one B!!!!

Didn't I tell you she was smart?

Yup, all her teachers say Lin is doing just great in school. She works very hard, is attentive in class, and is overall a model student. (Of course, we knew all this already...) I'm actually more impressed with the one B on her report card than all the A's. The B is in science, where she's not getting extra ESL help every day. So that B, she really is earning on her own!

The one thing we've got to try and figure out is, she's occasionally getting to her classes late. It's not a huge problem, nor is it a daily occurance, but it's happening enough that it's been mentioned to us. Now, when we ask her about it directly, she says she's not late. When I ask her if she's forgetting things in her locker, she says no. So I'm afraid that she's just not understanding the concept of punctuality. We'll keep working on that one.

And speaking of school, I surely cannot neglect to mention Ruby! She's going on her first-ever school field trip today! They're going to a pumpkin patch and Ruby was funny last night while we were talking about it. The kids are going to the same place we go every year to get our pumpkins, a local landmark pumpkin farm owned by a man named Gene. We were just there two weeks ago. (See the "Happy Fall!" post below for pics...) So last night Ruby kept saying "Are we going to our pumpkin patch? Are we going to see our Gene?" Very sweet...

Tennis Lessons and Tough Conversations

2010-10-14T05:27:00.000-04:00

Lin had her first tennis lesson Tuesday. She is taking lessons with two girls she met over the summer. Anna and Sophie are sisters -- Anna is 14 and in 8th grade, Sophie is 12 and in 6th grade. Unfortunately they do not go to the same middle school, so they are taking tennis together every week so that they keep in touch. Anna and Sophie are both such sweet girls and want very much to be Lin's friends. Of course, I was coerced into participating in the lessons as well, which Lin found to be quite amusing! I've always wanted to learn how to play tennis, so I'm looking forward to Lin and I learning together. Lin was really good, so much so that the coach didn't believe she had never played before. She's quite the athlete!

We've had some more light shed on what's going on at school with this other Chinese girl in Lin's class. Now she's gone so far as to tell other girls not to be friends with Lin, telling the other students that Lin is stupid. Apparently a group of girls invited Lin to eat lunch with them (yay!) and this other girl got mad (boo). Ah, middle school girls... Lin insists that she's fine, it doesn't bother her that this girl is being mean. When we talked about the "stupid" comment, Lin said it was okay because she knows she's smart. You sure are, my smart beautiful daughter!

Dave had an interesting conversation with Lin the other night, about money. It started with Lin asking about adoption, and whether Chinese families ever come to America to adopt American children. Then she started asking about the money involved in adoption. Dave quickly got the impression that Lin was essentially asking how much she "cost." Of course, Dave assured her that we did not pay for her. Yes, we bought plane tickets, yes we paid for our hotel stay. And yes, we gave the orphanage money. But Dave told her the money to the orphanage was for all the care they had given Lin for the last 10 years, and for all the children still there. Then Lin started talking about things we have bought for her since we've been home, like her iP*d and the tennis lessons. She began apologizing, saying that we've spent so much money on her but then sometimes she does something that makes us mad. Poor girl has so much on her mind!

Well, I called our social worker yesterday, just to talk about both the school situation and the money conversation, and how we should be handling them. She pointed out two things that caught her attention -- Lin's comment about how she knows she's smart and so it doesn't matter to her if kids are mean, and Lin worrying about us spending too much money on her. She said that these are exceptionally mature thoughts for Lin to have, and that it indicates that Lin had to be very self-sufficient, self-reliant, in the orphanage. She served as her own parent, telling everyone else "Don't worry about me, I'm doing just fine on my own."

And how many times have I said "She's doing great! She's so happy and well-adjusted! It's amazing!" And not to say that she's not any of these things, because she certainly is a very happy, wonderful girl! But maybe, just maybe, she is hurting and worrying. Maybe she's putting on a brave face -- "everything's fine, don't worry about me" -- to protect herself. How do we teach her that she doesn't need to take care of herself anymore?

Lots to think about...

Happy Fall!

2010-10-11T21:12:00.001-04:00

Lin has been busy experiencing her first Midwestern Autumn! To say this is my favorite time of year would be the understatement of the century. I practically foam at the mouth when the weather turns cooler and everything starts to turn orange. I think Lin thought we were pretty crazy when we took her to the local pumpkin patch to pick out our pumpkins but she got through it with a smile on her face. She kept asking if we were going to eat them and when I told her no, they're for decorating our house, she looked at me like I'd lost my mind!

The girls were not terribly cooperative when I asked them to smile for me, the little smarty-pants! This picture and the following one are the best I could get.

We also took Lin to the greatest Haunted House in the Midwest, owned and operated by our great friends, Stu and Lori. We took Lin through the house in the afternoon, with the lights on, so that she would understand what it was all about. She agreed that she would go through, but only if I went along, too. (Even though Stu and Lori are two of the greatest people in the universe, I have sworn year after year that I will never go through their haunted house again, only to be dragged through yet again the next time. This year it was Lin's turn to insist that I go along...)

Stu and Lori gave Lin an award for having travelled the farthest to go through The Haunting! (And no, Lori does not actually look like that all the time... only during October!)

Lin with Creepy Devil Dude (he really is that tall!)

And one more sweet picture of Lin and Ruby. Lin is very patient with Ruby and even agrees to let Ruby share her iP*d, on occasion. As time goes on, Lin is really developing into a wonderful big sister, or, as they say in China, hao jie jie!

Lin HATES this picture, but I think it's too cute! If she sees that I've posted it, I'm dead meat!

I hope you're all having a wonderful Fall!

Detention!

2010-10-08T09:34:00.000-04:00

You read the title of this post correctly... Lin came home from school yesterday with a detention slip!! Now before you get all freaked out, it's really not that bad. She was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Here's the story:

Lin's school is somewhat in the shape of a "T". Her 2nd hour is on one side of the top of the T, her third hour is on the other side. And her locker is at the base of the T. 3rd hour is band and unfortunately for Lin, she forgot to take her flute to her 2nd hour class yesterday, so she had to go all the way back to her locker. There are only 4 minutes for the kids to switch classes, and no running in the halls. So guess what? She was late to 3rd hour. And unfortunately for Lin, yesterday was the day the school did what they call a Hall Sweep at the start of 3rd hour. Every kid who was still in the hall when the bell rang got detention. Bummer!

Dave was upset with the school for giving out detentions for something so minor, and rightfully so, especially when Lin has been a model student so far. But being the hard-nosed, rules-are-rules Mama I am, my thought is, yes it stinks, but I bet she doesn't ever forget to bring her flute to 2nd hour again...

So on Monday she will have to eat her lunch at the "detention table." Which is really no big deal for Lin because she eats lunch alone anyway.

Now, some of you may be wondering why Lin eats lunch alone, since I have mentioned that there is another Chinese girl in all of Lin's classes, and that I thought the two girls were friends. Well, that brings me to the second part of my post...

While explaining to Lin what detention means, she asked me if the teacher would hit her and/or refuse to let her eat. I thought she was referring to school punishments in China, and I immediately reassured her over and over that in America a teacher will never hit her or not allow her to eat. Then she tells me that this other little Chinese girl had had detention a couple weeks ago, and that she had told Lin this is what happened to her. I said no, no, no, and again told her that this doesn't happen in America... and then you better believe I got on the phone with the school!

I had quite a pleasant conversation with Lin's ESL teacher, and it turns out this other Chinese student is a bit of a trouble-maker. She fabricates stories, is disruptive in class, doesn't do her work or else intentionally does it incorrectly, and flat-out refuses to speak English to her teachers. In fact, Lin's teacher was glad I called because she wanted me to ask Lin whether or not this other student is bothering Lin.

So Lin and I had a nice long chat, via online translator, and it sounds to me like I've got a pretty bright daughter! Lin said, in English, "Yeah, she's a little bit crazy" when I asked her about this other girl. She knows that this girl is not a good student and it sounds like Lin has distanced herself from her. Pretty smart, that one! Yeah, it's rotten that the only other kid Lin can speak to in her own language turns out to be a little stinker, but Lin really does seem fine. She's exceptionally mature, in that regard.

I typed into the translator, "Dad and I are very proud of you. Do you know that?" and she said "Sometimes" and then laughed and said "I know, I know." All in all, it was a good conversation.

But yes, she will serve detention...

Do me a favor, those of you reading this who actually know us and see us in person, please don't mention anything to Lin about her detention. It's probably not the kind of thing she wants other people to know about. Yes, I feel hypocritical for blogging about it, but I can trust you... right?

Happy 13th Birthday, Lin!!!

2010-10-03T21:25:00.002-04:00

Today my girl is 13 years old!!

Happy, happy birthday, Lin!!!

Lin and Ruby, on top of Dad's car

Lin's glorious birthday cake... Sinfully delicious! (The leftovers are MINE!)

One of Lin's birthday presents: getting her ears pierced!

Showing off her new earrings and her new iP*d

Enjoying a birthday bike ride

Getting ready to open a plethora of presents

Isn't her smile sweeter than any cake?

Where's my birthday dinner?!

Enjoying noodles at the best asian bistro in the Midwest

Baba and mei mei having a good time

Chopsticks... the multi-use wondertool

As Promised... Almost

2010-09-30T21:38:00.000-04:00

As promised, here follows a far more upbeat post than my last two.

However, I do not have any pictures to share. I'm so sorry! First of all, our camera has gone to Camera Heaven after being left outside in the rain the other night. And secondly, Lin has taken a few pictures with her camera in the last few days, but that means that there are very few pictures of Lin, and all the other pictures are of Ruby with one or more of her friends. As I am not the parent of those children, I don't feel comfortable posting their pictures. So... no pics.

But I will take this opportunity to fill you in on just how fabulous Lin is doing in school. What a champ! Two of her teachers sent home nice notes with her today. Her math teacher recognized her for having turned in all her homework and for always giving 100%. And her band teacher wrote a note for us telling us how hard Lin works (she's learning to play the flute). When I explained to Lin what her teachers said, she asked why. I told her that her teachers know that she has to work harder than everyone else because she is still learning English, and her face just glowed. I said it before, but it's worth repeating, this girl really is smart. I'm just so excited to see her continue to blossom and learn, and to think of what the future may hold for her.

Lin got a haircut the other night -- about 3 or 4 inches cut off, by her own choice. It's so pretty! And she's been wearing her glasses a bit more now that school is in full-swing. I can't describe it, but she just walks with an air of confidence about her. It's the little things that most of us take for granted every day -- the way she says "Hey, mama" when I pick her up from school; the way she goes into the kitchen and gets herself something to drink; the way she goes into my bathroom and helps herself to my nail polish remover, without asking permission first. For the last few months this house, this town is where Lin has lived. But lately, I get the feeling that this is truly becoming Lin's home.

Keeping Track of My Days

2010-09-30T05:10:00.001-04:00

I am amazed by the many families I know of who have more than 2 or 3 children. I'm talking the families of 6, 7, 10 kids. Seriously, how do you survive? I am having trouble keeping track of my own brain now that I am the mother of two!

The house always seems to be dirty. I don't mean cluttered. I mean dirt. My kitchen floor is disgusting! And why? My new child is 12, it's not like she's a baby who spits food out onto the floor. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that my laundry has increased, or the dishes in my sink have multiplied. But the dirt! What is happening here?!

I apologize for the unreturned phone calls and unanswered emails. I've got a few of each hanging over my head. And the online groups I belong to -- I do read the messages with every intention of getting back into the discussion, but I just don't have the time. My first conscious thought of the day today was "Oh, I still haven't figured out the bills." (Not to worry, nearly all our bills are paid automatically, so I can't think of anything that will be late, but I really should at least take a look at our checking account balance...) I hate starting my day with a mini anxiety attack.

And it's not like we are a super-busy family, either. Ruby takes a gymnastics class one day a week. Lin might start taking tennis lessons, but we have not committed to anything yet. But other than school and church, that's it. Why do I feel so disorganized when all we do is go to school and work, and then come home?

Someone tell me, will I gradually get my organizational skill back? Or is this my new normal?

(Next post will be more upbeat, and have pictures, I promise!)

It's Not Always Easy

2010-09-23T09:33:00.000-04:00

Let me start this post by making clear, I am writing this for the people who are reading this blog because they are preparing to bring home their own older adopted child, or are already home with their new son or daughter. So don't worry, friends and family -- we're still doing fine...

The day before we were to fly back home from Shanghai, after adopting Lin and knowing her for all of 8 days, Dave and I said to each other that we couldn't think of one thing we wish would have gone better. Our experience with Lin was, and continues to be, amazing. Simply amazing. How could we ever imagine that this girl, who spent 2 years with her birth family and 10 years in an orphanage, would come to us so happy and so willing to be a part of our family.

That being said, we do have our moments. I am writing this with several days' hindsight after a pretty rough weekend. We were told to expect Lin to be immature for her age. I thought that meant that she would be interested in Barbie dolls and Legos. That wasn't the case (she likes boy-bands and nail polish like any pre-teen) but I've come to recognize that immaturity in other ways. With the help of our family counselor, I am now able to see that Lin often acts very much like her 3-year-old sister. She constantly "pesters" me -- she tickles and pokes at me, she pretends to grab the wheel while I'm driving, she sits and stares at me while I'm trying to read a book. I call it annoying. Our counselor called it attention-seeking -- like a toddler. When Lin does these things she is demanding my attention. I have to learn not to be annoyed by it, but rather to take those moments and give Lin the attention she is craving.

What is often so hard to remember is that, it's fantastic that Lin is demanding my attention. She is demanding that we form a bond between us. Not all adoptive parents are so lucky. Lin could easily shut herself in her room every day and shut us out of her head. She refuses to do this and I need to remind myself to be thankful for this.

Lin's immaturity also comes through when she's upset about something. Here's what happened on Thursday night: we were eating dinner and Lin was goofing around and opening her mouth with food in it. I've told her over and over again not to do this. So when it continued to happen this particular night, I got mad. I told her that the next time I saw her open her mouth or stick her tongue out with food on it, I would ask her to leave the table. She told me just not to look at her. I said no, and I repeated what would happen if she did it again. She then started saying that she would leave the house if I told her to leave the table. I countered by saying, don't worry about where you're going to go, just don't do it in the first place. It was then that things began to escalate.

Lin started whining and stomping her feet. She said over and over "You mad at me." When I would try to talk to her she would say "You no listen me." When I tried to get her to stop talking so that I could say something she accused me of not wanting her to talk to me. She said that I don't love her. She said that I don't want her to be my daughter. On and on this went, Lin whining, not looking at me, refusing to let me speak. We were in a downward spiral and I couldn't see the bottom.

Her school had an open house that night, so in the midst of this we were trying to get ready to go. So this continued into the car. Lin refused to buckle her own seatbelt and demanded I do it for her. She refused to shut the car door. When we got to the school it was the reverse -- I had to open the door for her and unbuckle her seatbelt. Inside the school I asked her where her locker was. "I don't know" was the reply. In fact, "I don't know" was the response I got when I asked her where her classes were, where she sits in each class, etc. If she did say something and I asked her to repeat herself, she would whine "Mama you no listen me" and stomp her foot. If she half-heartedly pointed something out and I didn't see it, she would whine "Mama you no look-ah me. Mama you no watch." More than once I almost turned around and walked out of the school, I was so frustrated.

Lin finally did apologize for her behavior after we were home. I will give her all the credit for that. But it was after probably two hours of this, non-stop.

So, this is what we're dealing with. Fortunately scenes like this don't happen every day, but we did have a rather long weekend with several stints of this type of behavior. It's not always easy. And again, I'm writing this not to be a downer and for people to think we're regretting bringing Lin into our lives. Far from it! But for those of you who are thinking about older-child adoption, or are preparing to bring home your older child, or who are already home and may be seeing the same behaviors, this was for you.

A Great Day at School!

2010-09-15T05:25:00.001-04:00

Ruby's first-ever day at preschool was yesterday! She was so excited. She goes to school on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons and on most days she will walk to school from daycare. But yesterday I stopped in to walk with her and the other kids. I say walk with her, but in reality the kids nearly sprinted down the sidewalk while the adults followed behind. It was ridiculously cute! When we got there all the kids gathered outside until the teacher told them they could go in, and Ruby was the first one in the door!

When I got there to pick her up after school the first thing she said to me was "We climbed out a window!" so they must have practiced a fire-drill, I guess. And when Lin sat down to do her homework last night Ruby insisted she had homework, too. So she got out her crayons, scissors and construction paper and got to "work." What a sweetie!

And speaking of Lin, she also had a great day at school. There was a new student at school yesterday -- another Chinese girl who speaks no English! I'm thrilled!! The guidance counselor told Dave that the two girls would have all their classes together, except for Band, and Lin told me they ate lunch together. She also told me this girl asked Lin to be her friend. How sweet! When I picked Lin up from school, the two girls came out of the building together, chattering away. I'm just so happy that they will have each other, to help get them through the day.

Do Not Adjust Your Sets...

2010-09-12T22:08:00.000-04:00

As I go back and scan through the blog, I realize that about 75% of the pictures of Lin show her wearing the same plaid purple shirt. The girl does own other clothes! It just so happens that the purple shirt is one of her favorites, not to mention the fact that she looks so cute when she wears it.

One thing about our adopting an older child: we have not stressed too much about her clothes. She would wear the same clothes 2 or even 3 days in a row if she could. I think that's what she was used to in China -- the same outfit for 2 or 3 days and a shower every 2 or 3 days. These first couple months home we've let this go. Now that the official school year has started, I did tell her that she needed to wear a different shirt every day. I explained to her that it didn't matter to me, but that the kids at school might tease her. She rolled her eyes like a good almost-teenager, but she has complied. Her grandma also bought her a ton of new school clothes this weekend, so she has much more variety in her wardrobe now.

Today when she was getting ready for church, there she was in her same old T-shirt, jacket, jeans and flip-flops. I said "Why don't you wear one of your new shirts?" She looked at me and said (in English, the smarty-pants) "You say is-ah for school. School tomorrow. No today."

Hmph. What could I say to that?

Fun Sunday

2010-09-12T21:52:00.000-04:00

Took the girls to the zoo today, a spur-of-the-moment decision after we got home from church this morning. Man, was it busy!! We stayed for just a couple hours and only saw half the park before calling it a day. No pictures to show, the battery on our camera died after just a few minutes inside the gates.

While at the zoo, we ran into another family who is adopting a classmate of Lin's from Shanghai. He will be home in November. Lin got a little peeved at me after I spent a few minutes chatting with this family (are you reading this, Jane?) and I learned a valuable lesson on keeping Lin's life private. We had just walked away from this family and Lin was telling me a few things that she remembered about their soon-to-be son. Well, I ran back to tell the family what Lin told me, because I knew they would want to know everything they can about him. When I got back to Lin, she was mad. I immediately stopped her and said "What did I do?" She asked me why I had gone running back to this other family to repeat her conversation. Luckily we had the pocket-translator with us and I was able to type in that this other family was excited to meet their new son, and how they want to know everything they can about him. Then I told her that I was very sorry for not asking her permission first for sharing what she had told me. It took a minute, but she lightened up and said she wasn't mad, she just didn't understand why I repeated our conversation.

Whew! Crisis averted, and lesson learned!

Tonight we watched "Jurassic Park" on our home theater. It was so much fun! Ruby huddled in my lap with her beloved blankie over her eyes (in between asking where the dinosaur babies had gone) and Lin next to me shrieking and saying "Oh my goodness!" during the scary dinosaur parts. Good times!

First Week of School

2010-09-11T22:39:00.001-04:00

Well, Lin survived her first week of 6th grade...

First day of school -- isn't she cute?

We haven't been able to get too much detail out of her, but I think this week has been okay. She has had homework every night for her English class, and she is enthusiastic about getting the work done. She actually asked to do her homework on Saturday night.

I am so very pleased with Lin's English skills. She is learning new words all the time and can even do some simple reading now. Today I was in the process of writing something into her translator and she started reading the English before I was done! One thing we didn't know before bringing Lin home was her ability to learn. Her referral paperwork only stated what grade she was in, but nothing about how she did in school. Frankly, I was prepared for the possibility that she would be a slow learner. Well, after sitting with her while she worked on her homework tonight, I'm now thinking we may very well have a prodigy on our hands! I know it's only the first week of school, but I'm thinking we may need to have Harvard on speed-dial...

And speaking of school, our Ruby starts preschool next week! Here's a picture of her at her school's Back To School Picnic:

Unlike many parents of preschoolers, we're not one bit concerned that Ruby will be scared or cry on her first day of school. The wonderful daycare that Ruby has attended since we brought her home is right down the street from preschool, and walking kids to-and-from school is the daily routine at daycare. Ruby has been waiting for this day for over two years!!

Playing on the playground at Ruby's Preschool Picnic

Taking the dog for a walk -- yes, Lin and Fresca are officially friends!

A Great Weekend!

2010-09-06T22:06:00.001-04:00

We're back home after spending Labor Day weekend in Indianapolis, meeting one of Lin's best friends from Shanghai, and her new Mama and Baba. The girls have not seen each other since April. Indianapolis is roughly the half-way point for each family, and we spent two nights at a hotel with an indoor water park. It sure looked to us like the reunion was fun for the girls!

Here are some pictures from the weekend:

A few minutes after meeting each other again

Goofy girls!

Dinner at a Chinese restaurant

To say the girls were wound-up would be a supreme understatement!!

So all-in-all, a fantastic weekend. We had HUGE success with Lin and swimming! Knowing we were going to a water park, I took Lin to buy a swimsuit on Friday afternoon. It was... not fun. But we survived the ordeal. How did I manage it? I offered to get myself a new suit as well, which had us playing role-reversal. She helped look for a suit in my size and she came into the dressing room as I tried it on. I think seeing me, with all my normal human flaws, still willing and able to walk around in a bathing suit helped with some of her fears. She is just modest to the extreme, and quite self-conscious about her body.

But... we got the suit.

And after much reassuring and comforting, we got her into the water. And then we could barely get her out! She LOVED it!! At one point I was telling her how proud I was of her and she looked at me like I'd left my brain back at home, and said, "What? Me no scared water!" Well duh!

Seeing her friend again did bring up some emotions for Lin, which I thought might happen. Since the last time they saw each other, both of these girls' entire worlds have changed. They are not orphans anymore. They are daughters now. So it had Lin questioning why. Why did we adopt her? Why did we want her? Why is she a big sister? Why did her first mom and dad give her up? Hard questions to answer, regardless of time and place. Dave and I were caught off-guard. It's a good lesson for us, that these hard questions can come out of seemingly nowhere, and we have to be ready.

Oh, I just realized that it's bedtime for Lin... First day of school tomorrow!!! We're all excited and nervous and excited and worried and excited and ... Well, you get the point. Her outfit has been picked out, washed and ironed. Her bag is packed, pencils sharpened. And she has a piece of paper with helpful phrases written in both Chinese and English, things like her home room number and locker number, and phrases like "I'm sick. Call my mom." I think we're ready!

Last but not least, I will leave you with a picture of Ruby, who also had a great time playing in the water this weekend:

Mmmm White Castle... lunch of champions...

Reunions

2010-09-02T23:06:00.001-04:00

We have an exciting weekend on tap. Our last big hurrah before Lin marches off to start school. We'll be spending the holiday weekend with the family who adopted her best friend from Shanghai. They've chatted and Skyped many times since they've both moved to the States, but this will be the first time they've seen each other in person. We're happy to help keep their connection, their bond.

Lin (purple coat, center) in Shanghai with her friends.
We'll be meeting the girl in the grey jacket, front, 2nd from left

We'll be spending the weekend at a water park conveniently nestled between a Cracker Barrel and Famous Dave's BBQ. Oh joy! Not sure if Lin will get wet, but Ruby is half-mermaid. You can't keep her out of the water. Just today, our little Rubinator asked if I would get the hose out and just spray her. We'll pick up a modest swimsuit for Lin and bring it along just in case her friend can convince her to get a little wet.

Ready for a night with grandma and grandpa

Speaking of reunions. Lin has been to several as the Summer has flown by. This past weekend, she and Ruby spent the night with the grandparents before heading off for another dizzying round of "Meet your Relatives!" We've been introducing everybody as an aunt, uncle or cousin and not by their names just yet.

Summer day... sweet corn. Is there anything better?

How about some s'mores!

Tuckered out after spending a day in the sun!

What happens after spending five hours in the car!

Speaking of school. I think we are as prepared as we could ever hope to be. Lin will be entering the 6th grade, which our district has recently moved into the middle school. We've met with the guidance counselor, bilingual director and spoken with many of the office staff. They've been very helpful and prepared for her to start. Her class schedule will include math, English, science, gym, band and a study hour. We will get to walk around with her the first day after classes end to meet her teachers, help her find her way around and practice her locker skills. We've had a fun, and challenging Summer... just today, Lin told us that she feels very lonely and very bored. We know those feelings are natural, especially in a 'tweener, but not being able to make friends because of the language barrier has been tough on her. She is smart, funny, happy girl and will defnitely make friends. Heck, during the 6th grade orientaion, several kids said "hello" to her. In addition, we took Lin to visit one of the local Chinese schools in town and she has volunteered to help teach kids to read, write and speak Chinese. There are several girls her age and even one who is also entering the 6th grade at the same school. Hopefully, we are entering the "friends" stage. Lin needs an outlet to just be a kid again after all of the changes she has gone through and the challenges still facing her.

Stir-frying up some chicken with black walnuts!

Getting Ruby ready for the day with a bowl of spicy noodles!

One last little word of warning... if you have any exercise equipment in your house. Lin went into our workout room when nobody was looking and tried to benchpress. Well... needless to say she got pinned between the barbell and the bench. Lisa ran in to help lift the bar off of her. She's fine. And I'm betting she won't do that again.

She Can Ride Her Bike!!

2010-08-22T21:07:00.006-04:00

Lin finally got the hang of riding her bike today!! (Now we just need to work on steering and braking...)

I love this one... In case you can't hear it clearly, Lin says "You look-ah. Me this way is Boom!" That's a taste of her acquired use of the English language after just two months home. Ridiculously cute!

Dentists aren't as bad as Doctors!

2010-08-21T15:57:00.004-04:00

Lin seemed to have a great time at the movie the other day. She was very happy when her friend asked her, via the pocket-translator, if she wanted to go. Before the movie she did her hair -- nothing fancy, but I just thought it was so cute that she wanted to spend time styling her hair before going! When she got home she said the movie was good, and she was really chatty and silly all evening. So I think she had fun.

Yesterday Lin went to the dentist for the first time in her life. Only 1 cavity and no other problems -- woo hoo!! Dave and I were both worried about what they would find, although Lin has never complained about her teeth. The poor girl was in the dentist chair for nearly 2 hours!! First she had a consultation with the dentist, which wasn't too invasive, just more or less looking at her teeth. And then the cleaning began! I told Lin that she could tell the hygenist to stop at any time. The hygenist was very caring and didn't want to overwhelm Lin or frighten her from ever coming back, and she said she would clean until Lin had had enough. Well, Lin hung in there and did great! Now hopefully getting that cavity filled won't be too traumatic for her.

I don't have any new pictures of Lin, but here are some pictures of Ruby, demonstrating how to properly clean your Radio Flyer Red Wagon:

Step One: Fill with water

Step Two: Add soap

Step Three: Add more water as needed (flip-flops are optional )

Step Four: Rinse and repeat

*The addition of a fancy dress and a fluffy pink tutu are optional, and will not affect the outcome of the cleaning.*

I Feel Too Guilty!

2010-08-18T12:53:00.002-04:00

Okay, okay, I can't take it! I feel too guilty for posting something so negative and selfish...

It's all good now!

I was just having a kinda lousy day at work and needed some sympathy. But I've heard from quite a few people now, so thank you thank you thank you!!

I'm pretty excited for Lin today -- she's going out to a movie with friends!! Our wonderful daycare lady is taking Lin and the two sisters who are Lin's age out for a movie this afternoon. I'm so happy for Lin that she's starting to feel friendship toward these girls. There's still a ways to go -- it's not like they're having slumber parties or anything. But she's starting to mention them by name when I ask about her day, and last night when I asked her if she wanted to take a book to daycare today, she said no and then mentioned these two girls and pantomimed playing on the computer. I think they spend time on the computer with Ro*setta Stone, the girls teaching Lin English and Lin teaching them Chinese. The other day when I picked Lin and Ruby up, Lin was teaching the kids how to write their names in Chinese, and they told me she had taught some of the daycare kids how to play a game earlier that day.

I'm just happy because I know in Shanghai Lin was very popular and social and had a lot of friends. And the way she acts when she's at home, she just seems like such a funny girl who would just fit in so well with other kids her age. But she just seems so shy and hesitant when she's around other people. I know she thinks she can't make friends due to the language barrier. I'm hoping she's starting to learn that true friendship transcends language.

I'll let you all know how the movie goes!

Selfish Post

2010-08-17T07:48:00.005-04:00

Alright, folks...

I'm going to use a brief blog update to be totally and completely and unapologetically selfish...

None of my blog readers wished me a happy birthday.

There, now don't you all feel guilty?

I'm kidding... I'm kidding... I'm not really so petty. It's just that I'm having one of those days at work that makes you want to shout "Someone else fix this for a change!!" and crawl back into bed.

Have I also mentioned that I have to wake up at 3:15 in the morning in order to be at work at 4:00am?!? C'mon, people, I deserve some sympathy, don't I?

Happy Birthday -- A Picture Post

2010-08-15T20:43:00.003-04:00

Today is my birthday! I'm 35 today -- still very young, even though Lin laughs and tells me I'm old!

Here are some pictures of our day...

Lunch at our favorite BBQ restaurant -- yes, that's a whole rack of ribs on Dave's plate!

Dave very gratiously shared some of his yummy ribs with his girls.

After lunch we headed to Lake Michigan. It was Lin's first trip to the lakeshore!

We didn't take bathing suits -- we intended to just walk along the water. Needless to say, we got pretty soaked!

Mmmm... popsicles!

It was a great day! Dave told me that he was talking to Lin on the translator the other night about my birthday, and she typed in "It's my first mama's birthday."

Need I say more?

Doctors are No Fun

2010-08-10T04:37:00.011-04:00

We had a really tough day last week. Lin had heart surgery when she was a toddler and, while she's living a normal healthy life with no restrictions now, she does need to see a cardiologist for regular check-ups. Well, Lin is not a fan of doctors. Her opinion is, I feel fine, I don't need to see a doctor. She is also extremely modest, and the idea that maybe the cardiologist would want to see the scar from her surgery was very upsetting to her. The more she talked about it, the angrier she became.

So we get into the examination room and what do they do? Hand her a hospital gown and tell her to undress. And it got worse from there. I will spare the details to maintain her privacy, but suffice it to say, an hour and a half later I had one ANGRY girl on my hands. I tried, throughout the appointment, to hold her hand and comfort her, but she was having none of it. When she was done I tried to talk to her and tell her what the doctor had said about her heart (looks good, see you next year) but she literally shoved past me out the exam-room door. Well at that point, all of my sympathy went out the window and now I was the angry one! I don't care how upset you are, you don't act disrespectfully to your mother!

So we got out to the parking garage and I tried to stop her again to talk to her. This time she stopped, but she would not look at me and still acted extremely disrespectful to me. After giving her the "Mom-glare" for several seconds, I turned and walked to the car. On the way home I thought about what her punishment should be. How do I balance respecting her feelings of confusion, embarassment and anger, with teaching her how to appropriately behave to her mother?

Well, I didn't have to do anything, as it turns out. We stopped to pick up Ruby from daycare and Lin stayed in the car. When I got back to the car with Ruby, Lin handed me her pocket-translator, which read "I was wrong to correct Mama. I'm sorry."

Someone please pass the tissues...

I immediately burst into tears and repeatedly told her "Wo ai ni. Wo ai ni." (I love you. I love you.) She laughed at me, called me crazy, and the incident was over.

Phew!

Do I have any volunteers who would like to tell her she has a dentist appointment next week, and then a physical on Sept. 1st? ... Anyone ... ?

Bowling, Twilight, and Other Stuff...

2010-08-02T20:54:00.004-04:00

Took the family bowling this past week. In this picture, Lin and Ruby are supposed to be "looking tough."

Champ! (Okay, she came in 4th out of 4, but I think she had fun anyway!)

Ruby's new scooter!

I told you I'd get a picture of Ruby in the pool! She was in the pool all afternoon yesterday!

Lin and Ruby went to a friend's birthday party at Young Chef's Academy. They made pizza and ice cream -- Yum!

So this has been our life this last week and a half since my last post. Busy and fun! I've also found the thing that Lin and I have in common that is just for the two of us -- Twilight! Yes, I've succombed to the lure of everything "Twilight" and I must say, I'm pretty darn obsessed. I wanted to find that one thing Lin and I could do together and I knew she was familiar with the Twilight books/movies, so I finally picked up the first book and ... well ... I'm now just about finished with book 3. I can't put it down! I took Lin out on a date to see "Twilight: Eclipse" in the theater, and I've ordered her a copy of the first book in Chinese. I really hope she enjoys reading it as much as I have!

I feel like I'm supposed to be embarrassed by this, but I've talked with several other mothers who all say that they like it, too, so I know I'm not alone.

(Should I be embarrassed that I encouraged her to get this "Edward" poster for her room? Maybe...)

A Breakthrough!

2010-07-23T22:29:00.004-04:00

Lin is currently sitting on the floor next to the computer desk... petting the dog!! I knew this day would come! We just had to give it time.

In the last few weeks Lin has gotten much more relaxed around the dog, little by little, day by day. I had noticed that in the last 10 days or so, Lin has become comfortable walking right by the dog or vice versa, even in our narrow hallway. And then last night she got on her hands and knees on the floor and shyly reached out to touch Fresca's tail. I took the opportunity to explain to Lin what it means when a dog is wagging its tail, and what it means when a dog is not wagging its tail.

And now today Lin has been petting the dog repeatedly. She opened the door when Fresca barked to come inside, and opened the door when Fresca wanted to go out. Now she can't seem to get enough of the dog! In fact, she just now brought a pillow over so that she can lay on the floor right next to Fresca and just pet her.

What a relief!