One Month Together

Wednesday, the 7th, marked one month since we met Lin. When Dave and I pointed it out to her, she basically said "Yeah... so?" Ah, teenagers. I know she's only 12, but she just acts so much like a teenager, it's easy to forget that she is still a young girl.


So, how has this month been? I'd say 93% fantastic, and 7% tough. Not a bad ratio, don't you think? And even the tough times are just not that bad. Through talking with our social worker and our family counselor I've learned that I need to relax a bit. I've been really worried about how easily Lin and Dave are getting along, and wondering whether I'm doing enough to form our Mother/Daughter bond. I worry about the times Lin and I are alone together, anxious about how we'll spend the time and how will I keep her entertained.


Well, now I know that I don't have to worry so much about always doing something with her. It's enough just to be in the same room with her. Maybe she's watching TV and I'm reading a book. Maybe we're both taking a snooze on the couch. It doesn't have to be much, I just need to be a presence in her life. And so what if she and Dave have all this stuff in common and have a great, fun relationship? Instead of worrying that I'm not doing enough, I need to take a step back and be grateful for what the two of them share, and appreciate it. The fact that Lin smiles and waves at me when I pick her up from school each day shows that she is bonding with me, it's just a different bond.

It's been really fun the last few days to listen to how much English Lin is acquiring. Here are some of the words and phrases she uses now on a regular basis: hello, hi, good morning, good night, you, me, yes, yeah, no, okay, I don't know, you are crazy, bathroom, what, wait, I'm hungry, a little, thank you, thanks, I love you... I've even heard her say what sounded like "oh my gah" a couple times, though that one's not very consistent yet. When I've heard it I make sure to quickly say "Gosh... Oh my gosh."

I'm not even sure she is always conscious of using these words. They just seem to slip in to conversation. She makes a lot of effort to communicate with us, which is just wonderful. Have I said it enough? I'm just amazed at how much effort this girl is making to fit in to our family! I also have to say yet again how great it is that she dives right into whatever it is we're eating. The only thing she has definitely turned up her nose at is cheese. But we expected that, since cheese is not part of a typical Chinese diet. We did go out to a Chinese restaurant a few nights ago, the first since we've been home. We showed her the takeout menu before leaving the house and she did seem very relieved, as if to say "Oh yes, I'd love to go out for Chinese!"

We haven't gotten her back on the bike this week. It's just been way too hot. I think she is a bit frustrated that getting the hang of the bike didn't come easier to her. And we haven't revisited the idea of swimming since we've been home. Dave's mom has a pool, but they've been doing some repairs to it and it has not been swimable. I think it might be ready by this weekend, so maybe we'll head there so that she can at least stick her feet in the water. We're not going to push it. The bathing suit we had waiting for her when we got home has been returned. She tried it on but didn't like it. I guess maybe I should just buy her a suit, whether she likes it or not, just so she has one.

School has been going well. She doesn't seem to hate it and is always cheerful when I pick her up. One of her teachers told me yesterday that she had worked up to doing 5th grade math (fractions and percentages -- something she said she could not do a week ago) but she apparently has no knowledge whatsoever of science. Not sure where we go with that one. I'm told she does try very hard, but sometimes seems to give up or expects the teacher to just give her the answer. We're not going to freak out quite yet. She's got so much swirling around in her head right now, I don't blame her one bit for getting to a point where she wants to stop trying. I can't imagine how befuddled her poor mind must be.