Addressing a Comment - an Educational Post

I have debated whether or not to address the comment left to me on the "Daddy's Girl" post, and I've decided that I should. If one person had the courage to leave me a comment, then there are a lot of people who are thinking it but didn't want to say it.

This is one of those blog posts not intended so much for family and friends, but more for the people reading this because they are preparing for their own adoption...

First of all, thank you so much to the person who left the comment. It was very kindly worded and basically just wondered if the close bond between Lin and her dad is appropriate for a newly adopted teenage daughter. I totally understand the concern and it is something that is on my mind quite a bit.

Hmmm.. how do I proceed here with honesty and sensitivity, while also maintaining my privacy and not revealing anything that I may someday regret?

Starting when we were still in China, there were certainly times in the beginning when I felt that Lin had more of an infatuation, a crush, on her dad. She even told our guide that she and her friends talked about how good-looking her dad was when she got the pictures we sent her. But Dave and I took immediate action, to show her that Mom and Dad are the family team, not Lin and Dad. Dave and I held hands more. We were more openly affectionate with each other. We sat next to each other in a restaurant, with Lin sitting opposite us. Just minor adjustments to our normal routine.

Most importantly, we addressed the issue before it was an issue.

And now there are a number of ways Lin shows me that she knows that Dave and I are a team. She has asked me how Dave proposed to me. We've looked through our wedding album. On Halloween, I even put on my wedding dress! Lin always insists that Dave and I kiss each other good-night and she gets very giggle and cute when Dave and I are going out on a "date." (Well, the two times Dave and I have gone out on a "date" in the last six months!)

And let me clarify what I mean when I say that Dave and Lin get into tickle-fights. A better way to say it would have been, they beat the snot out of each other -- in a playful way. Lin is very athletic, very strong. She LOVES to be physical and to show her strength. So she and Dave arm-wrestle. She jumps on his back when he's not expecting it. He comes up behind her and grabs her and throws her over his shoulder. She plays keep-away with his glasses and runs screaming through the house while he tries to catch her.

Yes, maybe a 13-year-old girl who'd been in a family since birth would no longer behave this way with her dad. But for a girl who didn't have this kind of romper-room family when she was 5, 6, 7 years old, I think Lin is perfectly normal.